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AMIRA
Living without dreams was hard. Giving up the only magical, beautiful, wonderful thing in my life proved excruciatingly painful. But staying true to my resolution of perfect obedience, I kept away from Kyllen, focusing on my work.
Unfortunately, my chores required little thinking. Even the lingering ache in my injured hand didn’t distract me enough. As I worked, my mind wandered, and it inevitably ended up in the room with the crate and Madame’s prisoner inside it. I imagined him sitting there—alone and thirsty—and my heart twisted in compassion so strong it hurt.
Kyllen had no one to bring him water, no one but me. Every minute I stayed away, he suffered.
Without him, I suffered, too. Over the short period of time I’d known him, he’d become an important part of my life—the most exciting part, too. Without him and his stories, the world felt dull and cold, monotonous and…unbearable.
When the shows were done for the day, I saw Vuk taking out the garbage from the VIP room.
“Wait!” I screamed, rushing after him. “I left something in there. I need it back.”
He stared at me as if I’d lost my mind while I ripped the bag open and rummaged through the dust and litter inside.
“Hey!” he yelled in disgust. “I’m not cleaning this shit up now. Clean it yourself, you weirdo.”
I went through the entire bag to find the barrette I’d tossed away. Clutching it with both hands, I sat back on my heels and closed my eyes. It wasn’t a birthday cupcake that would get eaten. This was the only present I’d ever gotten that I could keep. And I’d thrown it away. Because I was afraid. Fear had cost me so much already. I couldn’t sacrifice Kyllen’s present to it, too.
Shoving the barrette into my pocket, I felt the bottle of water I’d been carrying with me since lunch and the orange I’d taken from the kitchen but hadn’t eaten. I was determined to be good, to avoid aggravating Madame, and to keep Radax safe from her. Yet I kept squirreling away things for Kyllen, even as I knew I couldn’t see him.
Flexing my jaw in determination, I hurried out of the tents. I found a small cargo trailer in our camp, climbed inside, and spent the night there, away from the tents and from him.
I managed to stay away most of the following day, too.
Once the day was over, however, I’d finished cleaning up for the night but lingered inside the tents.
This late hour had become my favorite. I would look forward to it the entire day, waiting for Madame and the bracks to finally leave, so I could spend the night next to Kyllen. I loved hearing his voice, deep and soft, with just a bit of rasp left. His stories transported me far away from the menagerie, to the magical place he came from.
Kyllen was a gifted storyteller. His tales were witty and engaging, with vivid descriptions and entertaining characters. It was like watching a movie, and I couldn’t wait to “see” more.
I put away the cleaning supplies and stood in the corridor near the exit from the tent, torn between the need to leave and the desire to stay. If I left, Kyllen would suffer from thirst. If I went to him, I risked the little I had in this world, including Radax.
“I’ll have to leave voukalak behind, then?” Dez’s booming voice reached me through the flimsy fabric partition.
By the sound of it, the brack was heading my way from the center of the tent.
“Yes.” The reply came in the melodious voice of Madame that had the effect of a thundering explosion on me.
Panic spiked through me. My chest squeezed painfully, making it hard to breathe. I spun around, frantically searching for a place to hide before they spotted me. At this hour, Madame didn’t need me, which meant nothing good would come from this encounter.
“All live exhibits would have to travel with me, including your voukalak,” she continued in that enchanting voice of hers. “It’s too risky to ship them ahead. I need to deal with customs and inspections personally to avoid complications.”
I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled under the canvas partition. Then I lay low, afraid to breathe as their voices came closer.
“Right. How about the gorgonian?” Dez asked.
“Is he still alive?” Madame enquired casually.
“Not sure. I’ll check tomorrow. But does it make any sense to bring him along, even if he’s still alive? He’s been denying you all this time.”
She clenched her jaw so tight, I heard her teeth grind. Madame was not used to rejection. Kyllen’s resistance must infuriate her.
“It’d be easier to just ditch him here,” Dez suggested.
“No,” she snapped. “I want to watch him break or see him dead.” She sighed deeply, speaking more calmly. “If he’s alive, I hope he comes to his senses. I have a really good act for him. It includes turning rare animals into stone for the VIP patrons to watch. I would then sell the figurines to them at an extra charge. He could make me money still.”
