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“I’ll have to tie your eyes closed, just in case.”
He knew nightmares frequented her. He’d heard her sobbing and whimpering in her sleep before. She’d wake up abruptly with a gasp, then would toss and turn afterwards, sometimes for hours. Her sleeping fully dressed, he guessed, wasn’t just about modesty. She had no home to feel safe, no place to belong. Her clothes had become both her safety shield and her comfort blanket.
Like a sweet pea had her pod, Amira had her layers of baggy shirts and her scarf to hide from all horrors real and imaginable.
“My hood may not stay on when I’m asleep,” he explained. “If we both wake in the middle of the night, I want to make sure we don't accidentally look at each other.”
“Oh, okay.” She unwound one end of the scarf from around her neck.
Taking it from her, he tied it over her eyes, leaving the rest of the scarf around her neck the way she usually wore it.
“That’s better.” He yanked his hood off, unfurling and stretching his senties. Keeping them curled in a knot at all times had been unnatural and straining.
Amira remained in the sitting position. She was a picture to behold—her head tilted back, her pink lips slightly parted, her eyes tied. Blindfolded, she was completely at his mercy.
Her trust in him floored him. In his world, trust often was a currency, never given freely. He hadn’t met anyone who trusted as easily as Amira.
Yet instead of taking advantage of that, he felt fiercely protective of her. A woman like her would need a strong protector in a place like Lorsan. More than anything, he wished to be worthy of her trust.
Her lips practically begged for a kiss. He pondered stealing one, sensing she wouldn’t object. But he wasn’t lying when he’d said he had no idea what he was doing with someone as inexperienced as her.
For him, making love was as natural as breathing. And until now, he’d always been on an even ground with his partners. Sex was like a dance. Someone might lead, but in each of his encounters, the other side always followed confidently through every step.
What happened when one of the partners didn’t know the steps? In dance, there’d be stumbling, stepping on each other’s toes, tripping over feet, and finally falling into a tumble.
He didn’t want to fall with Amira. With her, he wished to soar. But how could she tell him what she wanted from a man when she’d never been with one before?
So, he kissed her forehead and guided her down to the pillow, fully dressed as she was. He didn’t force the blankets on her. Maybe she found the covers restrictive. Maybe they made her feel trapped. Whatever it was, he let her be.
“Kyllen,” she said. “Would I have to keep my eyes closed at all times in Lorsan?”
“At the beginning, yes. But not forever.” He couldn’t force her to spend her life blindfolded. “There are means for you to see us.”
“Like mirrors?”
“No. Something better. I’ll get it for you right after I’ve made sure we have enough food and a reliable shelter.” He went to his side of the bed and sat down.
He selfishly wished to keep her, no matter what. But he had to be honest with her. She needed to be fully informed to make her own decisions. She had to know what to expect.
“It will be a veil, Amira,” he confessed.
“What do you mean?” She turned to face him, even as she couldn’t see him.
“A veil made from spider silk from the Sky Kingdom. Our best artisans weave their magic into it to allow others to see us unharmed. Veils are used mostly by merchants and foreign dignitaries.” He stripped out of his clothes, then climbed under the covers. “It will be a veil. You’ll have to wear it day and night until the day you die.”
He wanted to keep her, but he couldn’t trick her into the life she might resent.
“I could never take it off?” she asked. “Not even when I’m alone?”
“Even when you think you’re alone, you may not be. Someone may glance at you through a door or a window. A small mistake can cost you your life. As long as you remain in Lorsan, it’ll never be completely safe for you to remove it.”
She rose on her elbow propped on the pillow. “Well, then I’ll wear a veil.”
He shifted closer to her, for warmth more than anything else at that point. The bedding was chilly—dry and cold like the rest of this world.
“Are you sure you can do it? You’ll see the world through the fine mesh of silk at all times.”
A smile ghosted her lips as she lay back on the pillow. “I’ve been watching life pass me by from the dusty canvas of Madame’s tents. A silk veil would be an improvement, don’t you think? I can live with it, as long as I’m free.”
She reached over the covers for him, and he met her hand half-way, lacing his fingers with hers. They stayed like that for a few minutes. She didn’t appear asleep, and he wondered what she was thinking about.
“Kyllen?” Her voice was small, barely audible, and filled with so much hurt, it alarmed him. “How long does it usually take for a brack to…wake up?”
She was worried about the brack she had shot. She said he was something like a family to her, as if a brack with no mind of his own could be a family to anyone. Loneliness could facilitate the weirdest of attachments, it seemed.
“He’ll be fine,” he assured her, then added, sensing she needed more than that, “He won’t remember anything from the time he was ‘dead.’ It’s like being in a deep sleep. He may have a headache for a while after. But that’s all.”
Gorgonians couldn’t drown, but they reached a near dead state when left under water for a prolonged period. He’d been trapped on the bottom of a river once and knew exactly how that felt.
“He will forget me.” Her voice trembled, and he tightened his fingers around her hand.
The brack most definitely would forget her. It was a miracle he’d felt in any way partial to her to begin with. But Kyllen had to console her.
“Isn’t it better that way?” he asked. “Isn’t it better for him to forget than to miss someone he’ll never see again?”
She heaved a long, heavy sigh. “I suppose it is better. For him.”
