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My little brother. I’ve never seen him so protective. It both breaks and warms my heart that he has to. I bury my face into my pillow and find more tears I didn’t know were there. I feel the bed dip at my feet and a hand slides over them. I also feel a gentle hand stroking down my hair.
“Ava. I know I’ve said this before, but I’ve got you, boo. I mean it. We just have to know what, or if, there’s anything to deal with.”
“Sylvia is right. We can go to all the what-ifs, but what you really need is one answer. That will lead us to the rest, if we need it.”
“Girl, I’m going to go down the street to the drugstore and pick up a couple tests. I’m also going to get you some hydration packets and a loaf of your favorite bread from the bakery. Aus, you got this until I get back?”
“Yeah, we’ll be good.”
He looks down into my eyes with every bit of worry and sadness. His hand never stops moving. If there is any soothing to be had, this would be the only way to bring it. Sylvia squeezes my feet before I feel her leave my bed and walk out our front door.
“Tell me what to do,” he says. “It’s killing me to see you like this. I hate it so much.”
“You’re doing it. You came. You’re here. You know how important you are to me, right?”
He simply smiles. It’s the same smile he’s given me since he was little. It’s one of it’s you and me against the world. It’s one of I love you more than anyone. “You never let me forget. It’s the same for me. No matter what the next hour brings, you are not alone. One step at a time. Got it?”
“Got it.”
We link pinky fingers and he pulls my head toward his chest. His arms wrap around my thinning frame. My little man…he’s got my back.
Rafael
I’ve hit call, send, and disconnect about a hundred times since my call with Ava yesterday. Not only did the formality she was giving me cut into my very core, but something in her voice also sent general distress running through me I have not been able to shake.
When I rang her, I’d just received the keys to my new home. She was the one person I wanted to share it with, the only one. The only thing that kept me sane on the flight to London was filling it with plans to reconnect with her. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I was going to try.
I slept long enough for Nico to also give in to sleep. While darkness took over the plane, I used the time to look for a home. I’m not a fan of hotel life normally. When Ava first met me, I had a small rental in town. I loved that home. It was the perfect size for me. It gave me a chance to get away and have a little bit of nature as well. I want that again, not only for me, but for us. I won’t believe…I can’t believe, we are finished. I know it may take an extraordinary amount of time. I will wait.
At about hour four, I found it. It was nearly identical to the house I was able to bring her in. The only difference is this home has two bedrooms instead of one. It could be an office for her or double as a workspace for me. I could cook for her every night. We could take long walks in the backyard or lie in the grass and look up at the stars. To see the contentment on her face, like I did on the beach, would fill me with such joy.
I sent an inquiry to the agent and surprisingly within thirty minutes I got a reply. The first day I returned to the States I met and signed a long-term lease, with an intent to buy. Now, as I’m looking at my phone again, I’m using her set of keys as my worry stone. I want to run to her, give them to her, let her know I’m in it if she’ll have me.
With Ava’s voice fresh in my head, I call the one person I feel I can talk to about what I’m feeling. I have so many things to own up to. This time when I press call then send. The disconnect does not follow.
“Ciao, figlio.”
The warmth in his voice is exactly what I need in any language or combination of languages. “Hello, Papa. Have I caught you at a bad time?”
“No. Your mama has been prompting me to put my work away for about an hour. This is the push I needed. Are you getting settled?”
“I am. I found a house. It’s perfect, not too big, not too small. What would you say if I told you I’m not looking to simply rent for the time being?”
“Rafael, I would say I’m not surprised. You’ve seemed restless for weeks and it was even more so the couple of days you spent here. I’ve never seen you sit in as much solitude. You’re always doing something. The stillness was worrisome.”
“I’m sorry, Papa. I’m making some changes to my life. I’m not ready to discuss them. I will, just not yet. Part of that change is that I think I’m drawn to stay here for a while, even after my time with this project ends. I feel there’s something here for me not only creatively, but for simply me.”
“You don’t need to apologize. If you become ready, I’ll gladly listen.”
“I’ll miss Sunday dinners,” I tell him.
“Rafael, the table is always open for you and anyone you choose to add, when the time is right.”
I want to have that conversation with him. I truly do. I want to talk to him to seek his counsel and advice. I know, however, until I can fully walk through it on my own, I won’t be able to. “Grazie, Papa. I love you.”
“I love you too, Rafi. Ciao.”
When I hang up, I can feel not only Ava’s keys in my hand but the impression that they’ve left. I have the strongest urge to see her. I know the distress in her voice. I want to erase it. Maybe if I can be in her presence where it’s just the two of us, I can convince her to listen.
