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“You’re here.”
“I’m here.” Rafael grunts as he tries to slowly pull his arm out of the position I’m certain it’s been stuck in for hours. I reach over and help him, massaging his elbow as he pulls his fingers from straight to fists then straight again. “I’m here.”
He pulls his hands to tuck next to him, high on his rib cage. Rafael turns his head slowly until his forehead is buried in the cotton of his pillow. The string of noises that accompany his short spurt of movement lets me know he’s in a lot of pain, and regret, from last night. Once he’s finally on his back, he exhales with his eyes still closed.
“Can you open your eyes?”
“No.”
“No?”
“If I do, you’ll leave. That’s what always happens. When I need you, I see you. Bella, you’re always in my dreams. Then I open my eyes and I’m reminded it’s the only way I can be with you.”
“I’m here. Please open them.”
I place my left hand on his chest and let my fingertips press into the warmth of his skin. Rafael’s breath stutters as his right hand slides over my wrist. Only when he makes contact and knows I’m finally real, he allows his eyes to open. His chin falls to his left so his glassy, bloodshot eyes meet mine.
There are so many emotions swirling inside me. The same can be said for his eyes. Even with the limited light, I can tell one weight has been lifted, but another falling into place. I can see an infinite bit of relief met with sadness. “You’re real. I dreamed I was chasing you, but when I’d reach for your hand, you’d disappear. How did you find me?”
“What do you remember of last night?” I ask.
“I remember a punch to the face then what was left of my heart being ripped out. I remember sitting in the park across the street from your apartment for hours.”
“You what?”
The lids on his eyes lower. His hand that hasn’t let go of my wrist finally slides up so he can touch my fingers. “I stayed there until I saw the light in your bedroom switch off. Then I walked. I walked all through the park until I knew I couldn’t stay there. Then I drove to our town. I needed to be near you, even if it meant not being with you. I sat in our booth in the bar. My father called me.”
“I heard about that. He’s worried about you.”
The motion of his hand comes to a halt. Rafael slowly lifts his chin so he can see my face once more. “How do you know?”
“Nicolette. She came to see me this morning. I need to know something.”
“Anything, Bella. I’ll tell you anything.”
“How do you feel about her? Who is she in your life?”
“The lines have been blurred so far, that’s not an easy question,” he groans. With a deep breath, Rafael pulls the top half of his body from the prone coma he’s been in. I think it takes a minute for the world to stop spinning. He’s in definite agony. I reach for the bottle of Advil and the bottle of water next to the rose. I hand him three pills. He quickly downs them and rests his eyes closed once more.
“Ava, over and through it all, Nico is my manager. I trust her fully with decisions about my career. I have other help and opinions, but she is someone who will always have my best interests at heart in that regard. As for the personal, I don’t know how it happened. Well, that’s a lie. We were at an event together many years ago when I had my first bigger break in Europe and we were on such a high, when we returned things happened.
“When I woke the next day, she was already awake staring at me. Before I knew it, she was talking to me about how things could be. Nico had always been in open relationships. For years it was easy and comfortable. We had each other, but not the usual strings. It worked for me for a long time…until you. You know how I feel about you. I want to give you the world, Ava.”
“Do I though? You didn’t give me a choice. You lied.”
“I regret that decision more than I could ever tell you. I hate myself for how much anguish you’ve suffered because of me.”
“Do you love her?”
The question is out of my mouth before I can even prepare for the answer. I don’t want to know, but I need to know.
“I don’t think there will be a time when I won’t have love for her. No, I’m not in love with her. Ava, I love you. I love you more than I thought possible. We could be in a room of thousands, and I would find you. Your eyes call to me. The kindness, empathy…you see me. If I think hard enough, I can still remember the first time I held your hand or held you in my arms. I can still feel the tear on my cheek when I saw you cry. I can hear your soft breaths. Your smile is etched on my heart. You’re my everything, Bella.”
I can feel the tears starting to build again. My chest is filled with angst so full it has nowhere to go but to spill over. “Nicolette told me she loves you enough to let you go. She asked me if I loved you enough to listen.”
“Can you? Do you?”
“I started again when you told me you would take care of me and our baby.” I kiss the back of his hand and let it go. I reach for the withering rose on the bedside table and place it on his chest. “How did you get this?”
