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I tucked my phone away and drove on. As I neared my apartment, a whole new frustration filled me.
What she really needs at the end of the day is to feel heard, seen, and safe...
Andromeda’s words rolled through my mind, making me wonder all over again if I’d done enough. Or if it was all pointless. As much as I loved Faith—and I did, more than I’d ever loved anything or anybody in my life—I was painfully aware that she’d walk the second she caught wind of my double life. Because I didn’t deserve her.
I never had.
I slowed the engine to an idle and rolled to a quiet stop near the stairs. Sliding Pittman’s canvas bag over my shoulder, I ran up and silently let myself inside, pushing those thoughts away.
Lance glanced up at me from the couch with a lazy tail wag.
“Hey, boy,” I whispered, locking the door behind me and kicking off my shoes. I gave him a quick scratch on my way to the kitchen, where I tucked the bag of cash under the sink behind all the cleaning supplies and the fire extinguisher, hiding it from sight before making my way to the bedroom.
The door was cracked, so I gently pushed it open and paused, surprised to find Faith awake, sitting up in bed, her face illuminated by the glow of her phone as she scrolled. She put it down at my entry and looked over. “You’re back.” She seemed relieved.
“Yeah. I didn’t expect you to be up.” I sat next to her on the bed, taking in what I could in the dark.
“I couldn’t sleep.” She reached over and gripped my hand.
“Ah.” I didn’t bother asking about nightmares. Instead, I crawled in beside her and tugged her down to lie with me as I curled around her, my hand over her belly.
I waited, feeling her relax under me, hoping she’d say something about running into Pittman, because I couldn’t say a word about meeting with him.
She didn’t.
We all have our secrets.
“Grace, Hope, and I are planning a surprise birthday party for Matthew,” she said instead.
I traced my fingertips across her abs, stifling my disappointment that she was holding back from me. “When?”
“Tuesday.”
I glanced up. “Tuesday?”
Her smile was adorable. “I know. Crazy, right?”
I kissed her arm. “Maybe. Where at?”
“He’s staying at Nanny Rae’s bungalow, so I guess there. We’ll figure something out.” She sighed as my lips traveled. “Think he’ll like?” Her voice became breathy as I ran a hand under her tank top and brushed just under her breast, exposing her belly and ribs to the air.
I glanced down at her skimpy pink panties. “I do.”
My hand drifted south and I dipped my index finger below her panty line. “So pretty,” I murmured. “So perfect.”
I felt her still, and I looked up to meet her gaze. Something had shifted. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and pulled me closer, closing her eyes. “I’m not perfect, Adam.”
“You’re as close as it gets,” I said, teasing a little lower.
Her hips moved beneath me, silently begging me to do more. When she opened her eyes this time, her gaze was soft and glazed, her bottom lip between her teeth, and my heart stuttered in my chest. “I do love you, Faith,” I said. “I should have said it first. I should have said it all those years ago.” I traced a thumb along her jaw, hoping she heard the truth in my words. “I’m sorry, baby.”
Tears rushed to her eyes, and she cupped both my cheeks in her palms. “I don’t want you to be sorry—”
“But I am. I’m so fucking sorry.”
A soft smile drifted across her lips. “I was going to say, I don’t want you to be sorry about the past you can’t change. It hurt me, yes, but you’re healing me by being the man I need now. By loving me now.” She pressed a lingering kiss to the side of my mouth. “That’s all I ever wanted, Adam.”
