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“Then maybe this is a terrible idea.”
“No, it’s not. I know you’re just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again, but I’m worried that if you do that, you might miss out on something that could be good for you. If it doesn’t work out, then you can break up with him.”
I sighed. She was right. Hehadbeen amazing last night. And honestly, I didn’t really think he was trying to hurt me or playing games with me. The logical part of me knew that was my trauma talking. But there was nothing logical about trauma.
“You’re right. And I guess that means I have a date to get ready for,” I told her. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“It better be with your new boy-toy on your arm,” she teased.
I snorted. “Hang on. I’ve got another call coming in. Yeah, that was the nineties. They want their overused phrase back.”
“Dork,” she giggled.
I hung up with Melissa and put on a comfortable pair of jeans, but decided to go for a nice blouse instead of a t-shirt and my knee-high boots instead of my normal Converse.
Compromise. I was still comfortable, but I at least looked cute.
* * *
When I answered Ian’s knock, I found him standing on the front porch holding a bouquet of roses in one hand, with his other hand behind his back.
“Those for me?” I chuckled.
“See anyone else here?” he teased. “Yes, they’re for you.”
I took them from him, and he brought his other hand out from behind his back to reveal a banana with a ribbon tied around the middle.
“And this is for Cosette.”
Okay, seriously. Who actually brought a treat for their date’s pet when they came to pick said date up?
“Um, come on in,” I mumbled, stepping to the side and shutting the door behind him when he walked in. “I’m going to put these in some water. Then we can go give Cosette her treat before we leave.”
“Cool. I was hoping I’d get some quality time with her in today too,” he said with a smile.
Before I could walk away, he grabbed my waist, like he was trying to pull me into his arms, and my response was immediate. I froze, unable to control my body’s reaction to being touched anywhere in that vicinity.
My breaths came in short gasps as I jerked away from him, backing against the wall and sliding down to the floor as my entire body started shaking and the memories of that night started to come back.
“Drew, please. This isn’t funny. I just want to go home.”
“Oh, you’re not going home anytime soon, Ky.”
Ian knelt in front of me, bending his head down to try to catch my gaze, but he didn’t touch me.
“Ky?” he said quietly. “Can you look at me?”
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be his girlfriend. Not if I was going to have full-fledged panic attacks just from being touched.
Taking a shaky breath, I raised my eyes to meet his, expecting to see disgust or disappointment on his face.
But what I saw instead floored me. There was so much compassion and empathy in his eyes, and he looked heartbroken. I could tell he knew I was hurting and just wanted to make it go away.
I couldn’t tell him how deep the hurt went, though. I didn’t know him well enough yet to share something this personal.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled self-consciously.
He shook his head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, baby. You still feel like going out? Or do you just want to hang out here? Maybe order a pizza and watch a movie?”
