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“Stop me if you need to. It’s okay,” he reminded me, claiming my lips again as he slipped his hand under the elastic waistband of my pants.
He started just by touching me over my panties, getting me used to the feeling of having his hand between my legs. As he stroked his finger along my slit, still over the fabric, he groaned quietly. My breath caught as every nerve ending seemed to spark with need.
“You’re soaked, baby,” he murmured. “You still okay? You still want this?”
“Please,” I whimpered.
“You never have to beg me, Ky. Never,” he said softly, sliding my panties to the side and trailing his finger over me again, this time without the fabric in the way. “I’ve got you.”
Two fingers pressed between my folds and found my clit, slowly starting to rub. I let out a soft moan as sweet relief flooded through me.
Ian kissed me, tightening his free arm around me, then trailed kisses down to my neck, sucking softly. It wasn’t enough to leave a mark, but it was enough to make me moan again. I’d never even known it could be like this with a man. That I could let go of my fear and just feel.
I froze for just a second when his hand slid lower and one finger pressed inside me. But just the sound of his voice calmed me down.
“Okay?” he asked, lifting his head to look me in the eyes again.
I nodded, too overwhelmed to speak.
“I need to hear you say it, Ky,” he said softly.
“Yes,” I managed to get out.
“I love you, baby,” he murmured, giving me a soft kiss as he slowly started to pump his finger in and out of me.
“I love you,” I breathed against his lips. “So much.”
That earned me a kiss so passionate that I thought I might combust. His tongue flicked in and out of my mouth, keeping time with his finger below, and his thumb landed on my clit, rubbing gentle circles on it as he worked.
I felt myself climbing higher and higher, and I started to buck my hips against his hand, chasing my release as tension started to coil up inside me. He eased a second finger inside me and curled his fingers to brush against my walls, and I groaned as I pressed further against him.
He found my lips again, starting to pump his hand faster, and within less than a minute, the release I’d been so desperately craving came crashing over me like a tsunami.
“Ian!” I cried as I fell over the edge. “Oh, my God!”
He didn’t stop his movements until I stilled underneath him, completely sated and blissfully content.
“That was the most incredible moment of my life,” he said as he pulled his hand out of my pants and wiped it on his jeans. “You’re breathtaking, baby.”
I turned my head for another kiss, and he all-too-willingly obliged, gathering me close as our lips met. It was soft and sweet, unhurried. But as we kissed, enjoying the aftermath of this monumental moment, I felt the evidence of his arousal pressed against my hip and realized that I’d just taken from him without giving anything back.
It still scared me, the thought of touching a man there, regardless of the fact that that man was Ian. But it also felt wrong to leave him hanging when he’d just been so loving and patient with me and made me feel so incredible. I timidly slid my hand down toward the bulge in his jeans, forcing myself to push past the rising panic and nausea, but he caught my wrist before I got there, then brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed my palm.
“Not today, gorgeous,” he whispered. “This was about you. Just you.”
It felt like every muscle in my entire body relaxed when he said that. Ian obviously felt it too, because he pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.
“You’re not ready,” he deduced. “And that’s okay. Today was a huge step, a bigger one than I thought we’d be taking at one time, but it doesn’t mean we have to go racing for the finish line. I told you before, I’ll wait as long as you need. And you trusting me this much today was the best gift you could ever have given me.”
He leaned over me and grabbed my shirt off the floor, handing it to me. I smiled a little as I slipped it back on and snuggled back into his side, resting my head on his chest. He kissed my head and ran his fingers through my hair, letting out a contented sigh.
“Can I ask you something, baby? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he said quietly, sounding more unsure of himself than I’d ever heard him.
I nodded. “Of course.”
“Um, the night you told me what happened to you, I couldn’t sleep, so I pulled up an incognito browser window on my computer and tried to find information on dating someone who’s been through what you have. I just wanted to know if there was anything I could be doing differently or if there was anything I needed to know if you decided you were ready to take any more steps forward. I didn’t say anything to you because I didn’t want you to think I was trying to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”
A lump rose in my throat, and even though I tried to hold back the tears, with my emotions heightened from everything that had happened in the past twenty minutes, I couldn’t do it. A few of them slipped down my cheeks and onto his chest.
