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I somehow knew ‘out’ was not the word he was thinking of. What had he seen? Me kissing Mason? What else–
Wait…
“What?” I barely breathed; it was barely a sound. I sucked in a breath. “You what?”
“Wow. So that’s what you think of me? I’m so fucking shit that I was off sleeping around? You think that little of me?”
“No.” I shook my head. “No. No, I think that little of me…”
“How– What do you mean?”
I don’t know why I pointed to myself. “I just assumed I wasn’t enough. I didn’t have any reason to think you were with other people. But, I never told myself you weren’t. There wasn’t a reason for you not to be.”
He took a step towards me. “How could you think…?” He ran a hand through his hair and turned around. “Fuck! This isn’t happening…”
“What’s not happening?”
He whirled around and laughed humourlessly. “You’re telling me we may as well have been dating? We may as well have… Fuck! It’s all my fault. I had everything I never knew I wanted and I just stupidly let you go.”
I crossed my arms. “Roman, what do you want from me?”
“Short of turning back time? Nothing,” he scoffed, and I knew he was more pissed with himself than he was with me.
I sighed and blinked back tears. My heart had decided the floor was a perfectly good place to just lie down for a while, so it was going to stay there. “Honestly, Roman?”
“Always, Piper. You know that.”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, we may as well have been dating. I don’t know if it was all your fault. I suspect I’m as much to blame as you. I can’t say if you had everything. But, I wasthere, Roman.Right thereand you did just let me go. And, now I don’t know what to do.” I shrugged. “I don’t even know where Mason and I stand. I don’t know if we’re actually dating – if he’s my boyfriend – or if we’re not quite there yet. It’s confusing and hard and it’s not supposed to be. Then, you tell me all this and I don’t know what to do with it! Am I supposed to dump Mason? I don’t know what you want from me, Roman!”
“I don’t want anything from you, Piper. I just… Whatever we were, we were always honest and I couldn’t not be honest with you. Don’t break up with Carter. I’ve got nothing to offer you. Nothing’s changed.”
“Nothing’s changed?” I yelled. “Oh, so you just selfishly decided to drop this bomb on me and tell me it ultimately changes nothing?”
“Selfishly?” he spat.
“Yes. If you’re not asking me to dump Mason for you then this whole thing was for you. I get we do honesty, Roman. And, I appreciate the fact that that extends to everything uncomfortable. But, this? This is beyond uncomfortable. You think telling me I’m in your heart isn’t going to change anything? Fuck, Roman! I thought friends put the other one first. This is anything but putting me first.”
I whirled, angry and wanting to hit something. Instead, I looked back at him. “God knows I fucking love you Roman. But I’d managed to stop myself falling completely in love with you because we all knew where that would lead. You can’t come here and tell me you can’t get me out of your heart and expect me to be unaffected by that! It just doesn’t work that way.”
I could have kept yelling at him for hours – days probably – but it wasn’t going to get us to any better a place. It wasn’t going to fix anything.
“Piper–”
“You’ve just ruined everything, Roman! I can’t–” My breath hitched and I fought back tears. “Why couldn’t you leave well enough alone? Why couldn’t we both go on as we were? I can’t live in denial when I know the truth. I can’t be friends with you knowing we both want more and can’t give it. What the hell makes naïve little Piper Barlow so special that the aloof Roman Lombardi just can’t help himself to feelings for once? Where is that typical Roman Steel? The brush-off? The cavalier nonchalance? I just don’t–”
I stopped, realising I was doing exactly what I’d accused him of doing; I wasn’t putting him first, I was putting my anger first. And that wasn’t any more fair than I thought he’d been. I took a deep breath.
“That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have…”
He shook his head. “No, you’re right to be angry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry, Piper–”
Tears choked my throat and I held up a hand. “Don’t apologise, Roman. Please.”
The dynamic hadn’t just shifted; it was broken. We were broken now, but I was going to hang onto something.
