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His honesty might have made me angry, but that was only because it made me acknowledge a truth I’d stoically refused to admit until now. It was a truth that had the power to hurt me. It was a truth that I felt keenly. And, it had to happen at some point. But, no matter how much I hurt – how angry I was – it gave me no right to invalidate his acknowledgement. Maybe I was angrier at the fact he’d acknowledged it before me but too late for either of us.
“You don’t have to apologise for being you, let alone being honest. Neither of us went about this the right way, any of it. But, we are who we are. You know I’ll never judge you and I’ll always like you for you, Roman. I don’t expect you to be anything other than who you are.” I took a deep breath. “That’s the guy I love. But, I can’t do this right now. I… I need some space.Weneed some space.”
I wanted nothing more than to walk forward and have him put his arms around me. And, when he reached out to me, I thought he would. His embrace had always been welcoming, it had been comforting. But in it, I’d found far more than I’d expected and I had to learn not to lean on him; it wasn’t fair for either of us, or for Mason.
A single step had never felt more wrong, but a step away from Roman was necessary.
His arm fell and I knew that one step symbolised more to either of us than a mere action.
“No,” he said slowly, “you’re right. I’ll, uh… I’ll see you later, Barlow…”
He turned on his heel and walked away. I didn’t move. I just stared into the space he’d occupied like it could bring him back, bring us back. But he didn’t come back and I didn’t know when I’d actually see him again, let alone what that would be like.
“Are you sure about this, honey?” Mum asked, her arm around my shoulders.
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s time I faced things head on. No more pretending.”
Mum gave a weird strangled breath and I looked at her in exasperated adoration. “Sorry, honey.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled at her. “Mum, we’ve talked about this.”
And, we had. After talking to Roman on Monday night, I’d sat my parents down and I’d told them everything. Well…almost everything. All the emotional stuff, anyway.
It had been difficult and draining, but they were there for me and they listened and they still loved me even when I wasn’t perfect. It made me realise I could have trusted them earlier and I wished I had.
Mum nodded. “I know. I know.” She waved her hand at me, holding back tears. “I’m amazing. I reared perfection and I’m amazing,” she said as though it was her new mantra.
I chuckled and hugged her. “Not perfection.”
“You’re perfection to me, honey.”
“Okay! Stop, or Iwillbe sick.”
Mum took hold of my shoulders and steered me inside. So really, I had no choice about how ready I was or not anymore. But, I felt ready.
After I’d explained everything, Mum, Dad and I had spent hours talking about it and I knew it was the right choice.
“Piper Barlow for Dr Freeman,” I said as I walked up to the front desk.
The woman behind the desk smiled. “Hi. We’ve got a few bits of paper for you to fill in. Just bring them back when you’re done.”
I nodded, took the clipboard she passed me, and Mum and I found a seat.
“How are you feeling?” Mum asked.
I smiled as I started filling in the paperwork. “Fine. Little nervous I guess. But, there’s nothing she can tell me that I don’t already tell myself. It can only be good news.”
Mum hugged me to her one-handedly and I shrugged her off kindly as I finished the paperwork.
Once it was back with the receptionist, we sat and waited. A few minutes passed and a woman in maybe her mid-forties came into the waiting room. She had dark blonde hair and clear-framed glasses perched on her nose.
“Piper?”
I nodded and stood up.
“I’ll be right here, honey,” Mum said with a pat to my back.
I nodded again and followed Dr Freeman to her office.
