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“Thanks, Iris. I guess I just needed to hear that I’m not being crazy passing up on a man like Ethan.”
“You’re not being crazy,” she said with the certainty I needed to hear. “If it’s meant to work out, it will when the time is right.”
The bathroom door opened again, so I gave her a quick kiss. “I love you. I’ll call you when I get home.”
“Love you too, sis.” She blew me a kiss, and then the screen went dark.
“Bathroom is all yours. I’ll go grab us some bagels from the lounge, and when you’re done, we’ll head out.”
“Thanks, Ethan.”
I peered over the back of my chair and watched him disappear out the door. He was only going to be gone for a few minutes this time, but already the ache for him had started to grow. I didn’t know if I’d have what it took to watch him go for good when we reached Chicago, but I owed it to myself to try. I had to try.
***
The entire ride toChicago was quiet. The opposite of the way our trip had begun with the singing and the laughter that seemed to follow us across the country on the strange, incredible journey we’d ended up on. That first leg had been so full of promise and adventure, and this leg was weighed down with sadness and impending doom.
Each block closer that we got to my apartment, the heavier the weight pressing me down became. By the time we pulled up to the curb, it seemed the weight of every skyscraper in Chicago had found a home on my shoulders.
“Well, we’re here.” Ethan put the rental car in park.
“Yeah. We’re here,” I said, unable to convince my body to get out of the car.
We sat beside each other in awkward silence for several long moments. How does one say goodbye to the man they love? The man that changed her whole world? What words could I ever come up with to say?
“Ivy,” he said just as I started to say his name too.
We shared an awkward laugh.
“No, you go first,” I said.
“I just wanted to say that meeting you has been the absolute most thrilling, exciting, incredible experience of my life. And that’s saying something because I’ve done a lot of crazy shit.”
I laughed again. “Yeah. You have. I lived in your life for a week, and I already did more crazy shit than I’ve done in my entire lifetime.”
“Well, I just want you to know that I don’t regret a second of it. Even though this isn’t ending how I wanted it to, with you jumping on a plane and coming back to Paradise Isles with me.” He put his hand over his mouth. “Which is the right decision, cough, cough.”
He grinned, and it softened the agony inside me and induced a smile even though all I wanted to do was cry.
“But seriously, I had the time of my life with you, and I just want you to know that I understand your decision, even if I hate it, and I’m excited to see where your new outlook on life takes you. I would be lying if I said I didn’t hope that someday it will take you to me, but even if it doesn’t, I just want you to be so happy. So fucking happy. That means so much more to me than my own happiness, so I hope you go out there and find it.”
“You changed my life forever.” I reached across the car and took his hand in mine. “And I don’t know how or why the universe pushed us together, but I’ll be forever grateful it did. And I’m so sorry that I have to do this next part by myself because God knows there is nothing more I want to do than tell you to drive and get on that plane with you.”
“The right decision, cough, cough,” he joked as he covered his mouth again.
“Don’t tempt me,” I laughed over the lump forming in my throat. “I really want to do that, but first, I need to find my own happiness ... my own path.”
“I know you do, baby.” He squeezed my hand. “I’ll always be grateful I had the freedom to follow mine. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, and I want that for you too. I really do. You deserve it.”
We sat in the front seat staring at each other, no other words needing to be said. After several long moments, he glanced at the clock.
“Well, if I’m going to catch my plane, I should probably get going. Do you want me to walk you up to your apartment?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t think I’ll be able to do this if I don’t just get out of this car right now and go.”
“Okay,” he answered, and a pained sadness filled his eyes. “Then, I guess this is it.”
“Yeah. I guess it is.”
