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They stare back at me with stone-sober expressions. A light saber battle on the forgotten television is the only sound in the room. How ironic. What I wouldn’t give for a weapon right now.
I hold my breath, waiting for them to fess up. The more time goes by with no words said, the more I sweat until I break first. “All right, fuckers. Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Like my anger was all that was necessary to break their game faces, they both collapse back onto the carpet, laughing their asses off.
“You think this is funny? You guys suck! This is my first Valentine’s Day with a girlfriend, and you two have to come in here and fuck it all up!”
“In all fairness,” Alex wheezes, “you and Evie were together last year, too. It’s not our fault you were gonna screw the pooch two years in a row.”
Mike sits up, a stupid grin plastered on his face. “We couldn’t let you crash and burn again, bro. When Alex told me you were making her a homemade Valentine you found on Pinterest, we decided to take pity on your sorry ass.”
“You told him about that?” I turn my rage onto enemy number one. I should’ve known he was to blame for all this. “You’re such a fucking asshole, Fossoway!”
Alex sits up, propping his elbows on his knees and shrugging, but he can’t erase the look of glee on his ugly mug. “Hey, don’t get mad at me. Evie’s happy, so you should be happy.”
“She was perfectly happy with what I made her!”
Mike shakes his head. “She wouldn’t have told you the truth, no matter how bad it was. Let’s see what you made, Mr. Crafty Pants.”
“Yeah. I want to know what you finally decided on after pinning no less than a hundred different ideas,” Alex adds.
Their jabs combine with my case of blue balls until a potent formula of rage filters into my veins. With a roar, I leap off the bed, tackling them both to pound the arrogance out of them.
“I will kill you!” I shout as they return twice as many hits for my every one.
The floor of our room quickly turns into a full-blown wrestling match, complete with grunts and dirty moves like elbows to the face.
At one point, Mike shoves his armpit against my nose, trying to stink me into submission. “Evie deserves better than your stupid first-grade construction projects. Let this be a lesson to you.”
I twist and pull at his tree-trunk arms until I free myself then quickly maneuver him into a half-nelson. “Stay outta my relationship.”
A sharp pain in my lower back forces me to release my hold as Alex bear tackles me from behind. “Do your job, then we won’t have to do it for you.”
“Fuck you,” I grunt, trying to breathe against the carpet. “You don’t even want a girlfriend. Why do you care?”
A loud whistle nearly bursts my ear drums, but then all the pressure on my body evaporates as Alex and Mike scramble away.
“I leave you three alone for fifteen minutes and all hell breaks loose,” Evie admonishes.
“He started it!” The three of us chime in unison, all fingers pointing at each other.
“And I’m ending it,” she calmly replies before burying us in an avalanche of the promised extra pillows and blankets. “Now, spread these out and calm yourselves. Cave man time is over.”
Like the good little soldiers they are, Alex and Mike follow orders without any grumbling. I climb back into my bed. Hell no am I going to snuggle with those two.
Is isn’t until Evie settles on the floor between Mike and Alex that I realize my mistake.
They chat happily about the movie as Evie munches on her chocolate. After about a half hour of misery, Alex pulls Evie’s feet onto his lap and gives her a foot massage as her moans ripple through my chest. Her head rests on Mike’s shoulder. He plays with her hair, running his fingers through it until my own hands twitch with resentment.
When he reaches for my bag of pork rinds, I growl like a dog, “Hands off. Those are mine.”
That girl is mine.
The asshole just laughs then chucks the bag over his shoulder at me.
The Phantom Menace ends, and Alex stretches his arms over his head, yawning. “Let’s switch it up and watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones now. Then we’ll go back to Star Wars.”
The argument from earlier is forgotten with all the attention they’re heaping on her. Evie acquiesces easily. “Sure. Go ahead and load it from my laptop.”
