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3 All I Do Is Win
Junior Year
“You guys gotta help me,”Christian pleads. “Dara’s out for blood!”
Our center’s eyes are wide as he barrels into the locker room, constantly looking over his shoulder like his girlfriend might actually follow him in here.
In all fairness, knowing Dara, she might. She was bitchier than usual during school today.
Right on cue, two of our lineman guard the door.
“What’d you do now?” Mike questions.
“Nothing!” Christian throws his hands up in the air. “I swear! It’s PMS week! It’s not my fault!”
A chorus of “oohs” goes up from the guys.
My ears perk up because this promises to be amusing if nothing else.
“Girls are disgusting this time of the month.” Alex shudders with his typical mantra. “You should just avoid her until the red wave has passed.”
“Nooooo,” Trevor drags out. “Don’t do that. She’ll be even more pissed, then when the coast is clear, you’ll be in the dog house.”
“What do you know about it? You don’t even have a girlfriend.” Mike laughs.
Trevor rolls his eyes. “No, but I dated that chick from Annex for a few months last year.”
Alex wraps his arm around Trevor’s neck, trying to force him into a nelson. “Dating a girl from another school for a few months does not make you an expert.”
“You never date anyone at all, and only hook up three times with the same girl at the most,” Trevor spits back, his face turning red.
Alex ignores him and directs an even gaze to Christian. “Don’t listen to these idiots. Trust me. I know women as well as I know my routes. Just lay low until it’s over, then she’ll be normal again.”
Christian nods like this is the sagest information he’s ever been gifted.
“I dunno.” Mike rubs his chin, his eyes taking on a weird dreamy quality. “If you can smooth over her bad mood, you might be missing out on prime fucking.”
The previous sentiment of understanding from my teammates is replaced by sounds of disgust. Alex actually gags.
Mike holds up his hands in a placating gesture. “Hear me out. It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“How could that possibly not be as bad as it sounds?” Alex chokes out.
Mike ticks off points on his fingers as he talks, like he’s coaching us on the finer points of the female gender. “One, you don’t need lube. Two, they’re extra horny around this time of the month, so they’re game for all kinds of kinky shit. Three, Chelsie claims it eases her cramps, so you might actually score extra brownie points to store for the next time Dara’s mad at you. And four, getting off is getting off.”
The entire locker room is so silent, you could hear a pin drop. Normally, any mention of sex sends a volley of crass comments raining down from so many directions, it’s hard to keep up with who said what. Not today.
I stare at Mike like he’s a stranger. He doesn’t normally participate in these kinds of conversations. Even with Alex and me, he keeps his and Chelsie’s sex life private. Hearing him talk like this makes me blink my eyes to see if I’m dreaming it all up. His relationship with Chelsie sounds even more bizarre from this perspective.
“What about the mess?” Christian finally asks.
Mike shrugs. “Lay down a towel. Take a shower after.”
Everyone continues to gape at him, some with their mouths open and eyes bugging out of their skulls.
“It’s not worth it, man.” Alex shudders then turns back to his locker, seemingly done with this insanity.
Mike points a finger at Christian. “Do what you want, but I’m telling you. Girls already feel miserable this time of the month. All they want is someone to make them feel better. You find out what Dara needs, then you do it. End of discussion.”
Now that is some advice I can get behind. I store all of this information in my brain, just in case I ever need it. I wonder what makes Evie feel better. If I can find out somehow, that could just be another weapon in my arsenal to get in her good graces.
Christian nods like he’s weighing his options. “Sorry, Alex. I’m gonna go with Mike on this one. He lives with all girls, so he probably knows more than any of us.”
Mike shoots a smug grin at Alex.
His evil expression makes me wonder if he didn’t feed Christian a bunch of crap just to undermine Alex.
Those two idiots compete over air some days.
