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James
Iwalked back to the house, stopping just outside. Staring up at the house I planned to give to Rose, I knew I had to do everything possible to finish it.
“I didn’t expect to see you back here tonight,” Shane said as he walked out of the house.
“I didn’t think I’d be back here, but Rose’s friend showed up. I couldn’t very well stay.”
“Why would her friend show up?”
I sighed, taking a seat on the rickety porch. Shane joined me, our combined weight making the board groan. “Rose told her about me. Apparently, she’s here to talk her out of a bad decision.”
“Being with you,” he clarified.
“Exactly.”
“Do you think she’ll be able to convince her?”
I stared off at the ocean, hoping it wasn’t true. But the way she immediately found a way to get rid of me when her friend arrived said she could be persuaded with the right course of action. “I don’t know.”
I heard him exhale beside me, that kind of deep breath that said he felt bad for me, but he didn’t know how to fix it. “Maybe it’s for the best. I mean, Rose is great. She’s perfect, really. But what’s the fucking point?”
I turned and glared at him, not appreciating the attitude he was throwing my way.
“I’m serious. Think about this for a minute. I can already see how deep you are with this woman. If you sleep with her, it’s only going to be harder to say goodbye. She’s not staying, right?” I shook my head. “Then you’re going to end up right back here in a matter of days. How does that fucking help?”
I stood suddenly, spinning around to face him. “None of this fucking helps, but if you understood what I feel when I’m around her, you wouldn’t be trying to stop me. I have this one opportunity to get an inkling of what I’ve always wanted, and if she’s willing to risk it with me, then I’m taking my chance.”
“Alright,” he said, standing warily. “Man, you know I’m on your side. I’m trying to be realistic with you, because you obviously can’t think about all the outcomes right now.”
“The only fucking thing going on in my head is all the possible outcomes.”
“No, you’re thinking about an outcome with her, which you know can’t happen. At least admit that to yourself.”
I swore, turning my back on him. Maybe he was right. I wanted this so bad, all I could think about was how I could make this work, not about making this work could destroy everything. No one could ever find out, which I already knew, but now the stakes were higher. I was on the verge of going against my family, my wife, and the contract I signed. If I went through with this, there could be no mistakes.
Part of me considered asking her if there was any way out of her marriage. I knew I had to wait five years. Maybe we could be together in five years. But the idea of knowing if we would even still want each other in five years was laughable. I didn’t think the attraction to her would die down, but so much would change in that time. I was supposed to have two kids. What if it took longer? What if after having kids I couldn’t see leaving my wife? And what would that do to my children? I couldn’t just run off to be with another woman. There was truly no good way for this to end.
“You’re right,” I finally said. “There’s no way that this will work.” I turned to face him. “But if she comes to me, I will spend every last second I can with her. It’s all I have. Neither of us is free, and we won’t be for some time. So, I’ll take what I can, and worry about the pain I’ll feel later.”
I stormed inside the house, ready to get back to work. Until she decided and came back to me, I had to take my mind off her by putting my hands to work. Shane joined me a few minutes later. We didn’t speak, but I got the feeling he understood where I was coming from, and he wouldn’t interfere with whatever I decided.
We worked until sundown, taking a break only for dinner. I went into the bedroom where I had a makeshift bed made up on the floor. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but this room would be completely different with time. I had already told Shane my plans for this room, adding a set of french doors so I could slip out in the morning and watch the sunrise with Rose. That’s if I finished in time to actually spend the night here.
I rolled to my side, trying to get comfortable, but all I could think about was the fact that I was supposed to be with Rose right now. All of this bullshit was all my father’s fault. I hated him for putting me in this position, and if my hatred for Jerry Wright hadn’t gotten the best of me, I wouldn’t be in this position right now. Of course, I may have never met Rose if it hadn’t been for what happened at my father’s office. I ran away to escape, but I might have stuck around longer if not for the demands placed on me.
And yet, I still had to return to that life. The days were slowly slipping away, like sand through my fingers. I still had time, but it would never be enough. I would have to go back to board meetings and suits, stuffy charity events that I had no desire to be at, and snooty people that made my skin crawl. All the while, I’d have to put on a smile and be the charming face of the family. I’d never been good at that.
I’d always been a disappointment to my father, but I’d never cared. He had his eldest son to take over the company and do his bidding. That was never supposed to be me. But now that I had the job my brother was supposed to take, I couldn’t help the bitter sting I felt at my father’s rejection. When I could run away from it all, none of it seemed to matter. I could live my life and either prove him wrong or right. It never really mattered. But stepping into the CEO shoes, I would have to prove my worth, not only to my father, but to the rest of the board. I couldn’t give up five years of my life, only to be voted out because they didn’t think I was a strong enough leader to take the company in the needed direction.
I rolled to my back and stared up at the ceiling. As much as I wanted to just take my six months and enjoy them, I was now feeling the pressure of what was to come. I had to succeed at all costs, which meant I needed to get to work. I needed as much information on the company as possible. I’d been out of the loop for far too long.
This was what I went to school for. My father had me working in the company as an intern when I was younger, and I slowly worked my way up through the ranks, even putting in the hours when I was in school. And despite the fact that I hated it, I did it because I was good at it. But that was a long time ago. In the morning, I’d have to call and have my father grant me access to the business so I could get a handle on everything. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to him.
I could already hear the grin in his voice as I asked for access. He would think he won. And in a way, he was winning. There was no doubt in my mind that once he had me in place and engrained in the company, it would be second nature to me. My life would cease to exist outside of the one goal he had in mind, to run one of the largest companies in the United States and continue to expand internationally every year. I would become his puppet, and I could already feel him pulling the strings.
* * *
I wasn’tsure when I fell asleep last night, but it didn’t come easily for me, nor was it restful. I got up and drove into town, needing coffee to get me through the day and what I was about to do. I was just returning to the house when Shane drove up. I never asked him where he stayed, but I assumed it was close by.
