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Rose
All day long, I’d been a bundle of nerves. I knew the end was coming. I knew I would be a wreck, but nothing could have prepared me for the empty feeling inside me when I woke up alone. Every day after this one would be the same. I knew James had to leave by one to get to the airport. What I didn’t know was how I was getting out of here.
I pulled my luggage out of the closet and started packing my things. I knew I had plenty of time, but I wanted to be prepared for whatever happened next. Which I was not.
James walked into the room in an expensive suit, similar to what I’d seen my father and his friends wear dozens of times before. James was rich. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, on some level, I knew he had some money, but we never really discussed it. But no one bought a suit like that and wore a TAG Heuer watch unless they could afford it.
I swallowed hard at the man in front of me, wondering what happened to the man I fell for over the summer. All traces of him were gone. Even his hair was slicked to the side.
“We need to leave earlier than expected,” he said, his voice sounding different than it usually did. “Clarissa will be at the airfield waiting for you.”
I stared at him, confused by what he was saying. “But…”
“I didn’t know where you needed to go, so I called Clarissa. She said she would take care of it all. And she has. I have directions on where to go.”
“Did you ask…”
His eyes that were normally so warm and full of life were now cold and empty. But at my question, he softened slightly. “I couldn’t. If I did…I can’t have that kind of temptation.”
“You don’t even know my full name,” I whispered.
He strode over to me, his hand slowly reaching up to cup my cheek. “Rose, we both knew this was coming. I…I wish things were different, but they’re not. I can’t know where you might be and not go looking for you. And finding you would kill me, to know where you are every day and not be able to see you? Could you deal with that?”
“No,” I answered. I understood all too well what he was saying. He didn’t want to be this cold to me, but he didn’t know how to walk away without the distance.
“I’m going to load my bag in the car. I’ll see you outside.”
I nodded, unable to look up at him. I heard him walk through the house, his expensive shoes clicking on the floor as he moved. Sucking in a breath, I yanked open my bag and pulled out my best dress. I didn’t want to look like a pauper next to him, and I needed to be prepared for when we landed.
I picked up my phone, briefly thinking about sending Alexander a message that I was coming home, but decided against it. I would hang onto my freedom just a little bit longer.
After changing and brushing out my hair, I pulled out my makeup bag, something I hadn’t used the entire time I’d been on the island. I walked into the bathroom and put on my face, preparing for what lay ahead of me. Maybe James was right. Maybe putting on that armor now would help steel me for what was about to come.
When I was sure I looked as good as possible, I grabbed my luggage and headed for the door. I noticed James went out the island exit, probably so he didn’t have to walk through the sand. I wasn’t sure if I needed to lock the door behind me or not, but I decided it didn’t matter. My time here was done, and he could deal with his house from now on.
James stood next to a car that I had never seen before. In front was a driver, and the back door was open for me to get inside. He walked over to me and grabbed my luggage, carrying it to the trunk. With my shoulders back and as much grace as possible, I walked over to the car and slipped inside. I hated how natural it all felt for me. I wanted nothing more than to stay on this island forever, but with that not being an option, I forced myself to adopt the demeanor I wore since I was young.
James slid in beside me and the temperature in the car cranked up ten degrees.
“To the airfield,” he directed the driver.
My heart beat rapidly in my chest. My palms were sweating as I stared out the window. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I’d had them before, but over the years, I’d learned to control my reactions, to breathe through the fight or flight instinct.
I closed my eyes and took hold of my senses. I smelled James’s cologne. I tried to come up with another scent, but it was overpowering my senses to the point that I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I opened my eyes and glanced around. I could see the road outside. I could see the green trees passing, the driver up front, the small scuff on my sandal, and the black leather seats.
I continued on, going next with what I could feel. Slowly, my heart calmed and the anxiety slipped away. Yes, I was getting on a plane to go back to my old life, but I knew it well and would easily be able to navigate it. We pulled up to the private airfield twenty minutes later. I could see Clarissa waiting by the plane as we pulled through the gates. I glanced over at James, wondering how this would go, but he was still staring out the window, his thumb brushing against his lips as he leaned against the door.
As we pulled to a stop, he finally turned and grabbed my hand. He stared down at his large hand covering my own, then released me and looked into my eyes. I could see the pain and regret shining bright.
“Can you please take Rose’s luggage to the plane?” he ordered the driver.
I barely heard theYes, siras the door closed. I didn’t know what to say, but I felt there should be something. But as I stared at him, I realized we’d already said everything we possibly could, both through words and physically. He would always be the love of my life, and the one man I regretted leaving behind.
Pressing my lips together to keep from crying, I turned and opened the door, stepping outside. He did the same, walking around the car. Tears swam in my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall, holding my head up high as he approached. Then he pulled me into his arms one last time, his nose buried in my hair for the briefest of moments. And just like that, he was gone, stepping back and leaving me cold.
It took everything in me to hold back the tears. My throat worked hard to control the sob threatening to burst free. I couldn’t even manage to smile at him as I turned and walked toward the plane. I stalled at the steps, my hand on the railing as I tried to find the courage to walk up the steps and leave him. Every foot away from him felt like I was stabbing a knife in my own stomach.
Then Clarissa appeared at the top of the steps, smiling down at me. That was all I needed to move my feet. Putting on my best Wally face, I climbed those stairs and did it with all the grace of a woman in my position. When I reached the top, Clarissa wrapped her arms around me and guided me inside.
