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“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I hate that I put you guys through all this. I—I don’t know where to start. I feel like a fucking shell of myself.” He shakes his head. “Well, at least I’m an example of what not to do as a father.”
“Braden—”
“No. I love Harper. With everything inside me, I love her. But I haven’t shown up for her or been the man she needed me to be consistently. And I have to live with that forever. That one day, she’s going to know what I did. That I walked out on her once. That I took her to a party. That I drove drunk. She’s going to know about all of it. I don’t know if I can come back from that.”
Shaking my head, I say, “As someone who has experience with a parent leaving, I can tell you, what matters is what you do next. Yes, one day she might ask how things ended with you and Maia or find out what you did, but that’s a small chunk of time out of the rest of her life. If you start now, show up for her, learn how to be the best dad you can be for her… even if she gets mad for a minute, she’ll forgive you. You know how I know? Because if Marty showed up tomorrow and actually made an effort, actually stuck around, eventually I’d forgive him. You can come back from this, Braden, but only if you want to.”
He takes a few breaths before responding. “You’re going to be a great dad.” His voice is calm and quiet.
”As much as I appreciate that, it doesn’t make this any less scary. Plus, I’m just starting my relationship with Leigh. I have a feeling none of this will go smoothly.”
He smirks at me. “Look on the bright side. It can’t be more fucked up than how it’s been for Maia and me.”
I smile back. “That’s setting the bar extraordinarily low.”
“I missed this.”
“Me too. Just don’t be an idiot and run away again.”
There’s a quiet resolve to his voice when he says, “I’m done running.”
As much as I want to believe those words, as nice as it’s been to spend time like this with him, I can’t take the words at face value. I meant what I said, what he does from here is what matters. And I hope he proves to us and to himself that he can stick around, show up, and become a better version of himself.
