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Braden
Everything fucking hurts. I’m trying to keep a smile on my face. I know I’m lucky to be alive, to be reasonably unharmed, to have people in my life who never give up on me, but my smile is starting to fade. I’m tired. My entire body hurts. And my heart does too.
I know how badly I fucked up—actually, that might not be true. I feel like every time I talk to someone else, I realize another way I’ve screwed this up. Screwed my entire life up.
Nick says it’s where I go from here that matters, but right now, I don’t know how to go anywhere. All I can really do is apologize and make promises for the future that I’m going to do my best to make sure aren’t empty. But my sense of optimism is broken right now. I can’t even get out of bed and take a shit, forget fixing anything else in my life.
I’m trying to keep theeverything is fuckedmindset away, that’s part of how I got here, but it’s hard not to slip toward that when I feel so broken and helpless.
I move again and let out a groan.
“Hey, you want me to get your parents? The doctor?” Nick asks.
I shake my head no. If it was time for pain meds, I’d have some. “No. I’ll be fine.” I grit my teeth, then do my best to smile.
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, seeing right through my bullshit. He opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, the door swings open. By the way his eyes light up, I know exactly who it is. I grab my call button; in case I need someone to save me from her wrath. Because Leigh Romero has offered to fuck me up for far less than what I’ve done recently and that was before she was in love with Nick and carrying his baby.
Fuck, that’s weird to say.
She appears from behind the curtain, devilish smirk on her face and eyes laced with murder.
“Hey, asshole.”
I stare at her for a second, unsure whether I want to laugh or give her some shit back or just take it. My lack of response only encourages her to continue.
“Listen. I know you’ve only been awake for hours. I’m sure you’re in pain. But the thing is, everyone else will coddle you, and I’m not letting you off that easily. I’m mad at you. You were a selfish, thoughtless jackass. You could have left Harper without a father. You have no idea how wrecked Maia was. And—” She points at Nick. “You almost broke him.” She huffs and walks to the head of the bed. “But most of all, you almost took yourself off this planet and left the rest of us to clean up the damage. I’m sick of your shit, so get it together.” Her feisty facade cracks and she whispers, “I’m not ready to lose you.” Then, to my surprise, she leans down and carefully wraps her arms around me.
“I’m okay, Leigh,” I whisper back. “Or I’m trying to be.”
She straightens and glares at me. “Well, stop pushing my buttons, or this—” She gestures to my various injuries. “—will be the least of your worries. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am. I have no desire to cross you, especially now with pregnancy hormones coursing through you.”
She squints at me and raises her fist. After looking me over, she drops it again. “You’re lucky there’s nowhere safe to punch on your body right now.”
“I’m not sure that’s lucky, but okay.”
She squints at me, then walks around the bed and sits down on Nick’s lap. “Is that all you have to say for yourself?”
“Easy, babe,” Nick whispers.
She turns to glare at him, but he flashes her his trademark smile with a little extra sweetness in it for her and she melts.
Damn.I’ve never seen that side of Leigh before. At least not in a while.
“There are lots of things I can say, but the truth is I feel like shit. There’s no other way of putting it. In every single way, I feel like a pile of trash. So, be as angry at me as you like, I won’t say I don’t deserve it, but no one is angrier at me than me.”
Her face scrunches up. “That doesn’t sound like the Braden I know.”
“Well, things change.”
And it’s the fucking truth. Is it awful that me getting drunk, slamming my truck into a tree, and almost dying is what it took to wake me the hell up? Yes. I don’t know what my future looks like, but I know it has to be more than who I’ve been.
To my surprise, Leigh’s eyes soften. “Damn it.” She sniffs back tears as Nick rubs her back. “Stupid pregnancy hormones!” she yells.
To that I can’t help but laugh. “I think you love me. I think youcare.”
She glares at me, but smiles. “I care. Just stop being such a pain in the ass.” She stands up confidently. “Now, I’m going to go throw up in your bathroom. When I come back, we’re going to talk about how all of this happened. I’m not done giving you shit yet.”
“Thanks, Leigh.”
She gives the slightest nod, then calmly walks to the bathroom like she’s not about to puke her brains out.
I’m thankful for her giving me shit. It’s her way of supporting me, of lifting me up. It might not sound like it, but that’s how we’ve always been with each other. Giving hell is our love language.
I rest my head back against the bed. I’m ready for my next round of pain meds. Despite being out for the last few days, I’m ready to sleep. More than anything, I want to heal. I know that physically and emotionally it won’t go quick, despite how badly I want to speed through it, but that’s not how growth happens, is it? My mom told me once that the best things in life are the things you have to work hard for, that don’t come right away. I hope that’s true, because I’m ready for something better than what my life has been.
