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9
When I openmy eyes the morning of my second day of my isolation, I know it’s finally passed. The feeling of being afloat in the middle of the ocean, with a weight, or jaws pulling me under. That feeling I had of the whole world grinding me to dust.
It’s not because everything is better, or “fixed.” Not even close. If anything, everything is probably worse now. But, that protective part of me inside has taken over—shielding me, putting up walls.
Keeping me breathing, and alive.
This will not break me.
Fire couldn’t. Being locked away couldn’t. Facing the world with nothing but revenge and anger in my heart couldn’t.
Hecouldn’t. And won’t.
So neither will any of this.
I repeat this to myself, lying in bed, under the covers, until it feels like I might be able to sit up and pull the blankets from my eyes.
Which I finally do.
The first thing I do after that is call Harry to let her know I’m okay.
“I was really worried about you, El,” she mumbles. “I… don’t be mad I called him. I just...” She sighs. “I didn’t know who else to call.”
I shake my head. “It’s fine. I’m glad you did. I think I just… I don’t know. I needed to rest, I guess.”
“What happened? Outside, I mean?”
I flinch, the disgusting, intrusive images of my naked body on Leo’s phone stabbing into my psyche like knives.
“Nothing,” I mumble. “Nothing, I just kind of collapsed, I guess. Just the stress of everything.”
“How are you feeling now?”
“Rested?”
“Well good.” She clears her throat. “I haven’t wanted to prod, but… in terms of resting, at his house…”
I blush.
“I have my own bed, and room.”
“Even though you’re clearly shagging him.”
My face burns hotly as I roll my eyes.
“Oh myGod, Harry—”
“Don’t you dare gaslight me,” she snickers. “Look, I was worried and everything for you, and I’m so glad you’re feeling better. But c’mon! You’re like my best friend, you’re married to this super-hot rich daddy type, and you still haven’t given me one single ounce of juicy details.”
I bite my lip, simmering with… well, warring feelings. For one, there’s the heat that comes unbidden whenever I think of him. The traitorous lust and need. The memory my body won’t ever forget of his hands on it.
But then, there’s the other sensations and feelings that comes along with Noel slipping into my head. Fear. Fury. Distrust and denial.
“There’s no juicy details, Harry.”
“That is bullshit and we both—”
“Can we please drop this?”
