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Gravel.My throat feels like I’m dragging up grit and gravel. It sounds like it too.
I blink against the darkness, my eyes unfocussed and struggling to adjust as I search for her, and then it’s right there. My favorite shade of green, misty and clouded in worry, but staring down at me.
“You should be sleeping.” Her voice is fractured and I shake my head gently.
“You’re leaving?”
She nods silently as her free hand comes up to my face again, gently pushing my hair back and holding onto me. I close my eyes and lean in against her touch.
“Please don’t.”
She pulls her touch away and my eyes flick open.
“No,” I clarify. “I mean don’t go. Please.”
“I have to,” she sighs, her fingers weaving back into my hair in a soft caress. “You’re only allowed one overnighter.”
“Wait.” I glance at the empty room and try to shuffle into a seated position. My chest protests and a low moan slips from my lips. “Who else is here?”
“That would be me.” Mom’s voice is tight, like a coil ready to unravel at any second, and I look to the doorway.
She’s a mess.
In all my years, I’ve never seen my mother leave the house in anything other than a well-pressed suit, or at least co-ordinating colours. Today though she’s anything but put together.
Her blue silk pyjama shirt hangs over a pair of jeans I didn’t even know she owned and her shoes are caked in days of mud. Her hair, usually coiffed perfection, is pulled into a ratty bun on top of her head. She’s not wearing a scrap of make up and her eyes are dim from exhaustion.
“Mom.” I breathe a harsh sigh and she shakes her head as she comes to stand beside me.
“You stupid,stupidboy.” Her voice wavers and her eyes mist. “If you ever do something like this again, I swear on your grandmother’s grave, I will kill you with my bare hands. Do you understand me?”
I grin: a real, dopey, drug induced kind of smile that has my cheeks hurting almost as much as my chest. “Yes, Ma’am.”
She presses her lips to my forehead as she squeezes my hand and glances to Mikaela.
“I found someone wandering the halls. He said he wanted to make sure you were okay.” Mom speaks softly to Mik, as if she’s fragile. “I told him that you’re going to stay tonight and he’s going to bring me home instead.”
Mik opens her mouth to speak but Mom holds her hand up.
“He filled me in on some of this.” She gestures between Mikaela and I with a raised eyebrow and I grimace. “And I think you two need to speak. So does he.”
“Ma, you keep saying he. Who?” I grunt as I shift again and both Mikaela and Mom place a hand on my arm, rolling their eyes at me as I grin.
“Jamie, of course.” Mom doesn’t seem impressed.
Mik tucks her hair behind her ears and I look to her for clarification. “You know, he was pretty surprised to find out he’s one of your emergency contacts.” She shrugs as if it’s nothing. “He brought me straight here.”
Mikisintheseat beside my bed, her fingers entwined with mine, and silence has wrapped around us.
I want to hold her and never let her go, but each shift in the bed reminds me I can’t.
“So.” I clear my throat and she looks up to me, green meeting me with warm intensity. “How bad is it?”
“Three broken ribs.” She clears her throat and I nod as I wait. “You broke your leg, but doctors don’t think it requires surgery. They said they’ll need to monitor it though. And then there are the cuts and bruises, and the smoke inhalation. I - I thought I’d lost you, Ben.”
A broken sob rips from her chest and I break with her.
I need her closer, I want to take care of her and comfort her, but I also need to feel her warmth - to know she’s really here with me and not running from us.
