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And yet there, in the corner of my mind, is an all too real kind of pain. Pain that carries a warning.
She’s off limits, Ben.
The sound of Jamie shuffling on the sofa breaks through the bubble that envelops us both, and something inside me cracks as she pushes against me, trying to jump away.
Slowly, desperately hoping to keep this moment alive, I place her down. She pulls away from my lips; her eyes widening with realisation as she lets go and tries to take a step back.
She’s off limits.
I step with her by instinct and her hands push against my chest while she glances to the sleeping figure on the couch.
“No,” she whispers and her eyes snap back to me. Gone is the forbidden desire that had just been burning when she looked at me. Gone is that intoxicating smirk I felt against my lips just moments ago. Now she’s staring at me with anger and confusion. “What the fuck was that?”
“I-”
She pushes me away from her and I shake my head.
“You need to leave.” Her voice trembles.
“Mik.” I reach for her one last time and she flinches. Sheflinches. I drop my hands and let them hang limply beside me. They feel empty. “Come on Mik. Don’t act like that was all me. Please.”
Mikaela
My fingers press against my lips as he stares at me, his eyes pleading and my lips parted. He’s right. It wasn’t all him. And I don’t understand that. My mind is reeling and I can’t get the heady scent of citrus and pine and beer out of me.
It’s all around me. It’s all over me. It’s Ben, and Ben is my brother’s best friend. Ben Haston is an arrogant ass. Ben Haston has been a nightmare for years. But he also just kissed me with a softness I didn’t think he was capable of and left the flames of longing lapping beneath my skin where his fingers had been. Ben Haston kissed me and I wanted him to. Oh God, I wanted him to. And now I feel sick.
“I said leave.” I look to the floor, afraid of the blue of his eyes.
Ben
I feel my face drop as I stand staring at her, disappointment and rejection washing over me where excitement and confusion had just mixed in a potent bliss.
I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know why I want to do it again. I don’t know why her pushing me away now is scratching out a pit in my stomach, but I do know I don’t regret it. I wanted to kiss her then. I want to kiss her now. And I don’t want to stop.
Fuck.
I bite my lip as I stand there like an idiot, listening to her shut me out when she was just wrapped around me; wanting me. She wanted me. And now it’s so much worse than ten years ago.
When she looks back to me, with doe eyes and a heaving chest, the whisper of reality slowly creeps over my mind. My hair is mussed and I can still feel the sting of her pulling it as my whole body aches for her. But standing in front of me is Mikaela Wilcox. The same Mikaela who, just two weeks ago, had seethed at me for mistakes she didn’t fully understand. The same Mikaela Wilcox who had told me she didn’t want anything to do with me. She didn’t like me. Still doesn’t like me. But friends don’t kiss friends like that, and enemies definitely don’t feel that fucking good pressed up against each other.
I nod tightly, turning from her and moving quietly through the space. Glancing back to her as I grab my keys from the little table beside the door, I sigh and she stares.
I don’t regret it, but I wish I understood it.
Without another word I push through the door and make my way down the stairs and onto the street.
Fuck.
Mikaela
He leaves and I stand staring at the space he had just occupied. I stare for what feels like a small eternity, before sinking to the floor and leaning back against the bed.
What on Earth just happened?
