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“What time is it?” she whispered.
“It's almost five. We've been asleep for a while.”
“We needed it.”
He rolled over to face her and lightly stroked her cheek, and when his eyes settled on hers, she gave him a small smile, but then it wavered and vanished.
“What is it?” he asked.
She knew the time had come; she needed to open up to him. He’d told her so much, about Georgie, about his past, and especially about his feelings for her. If they were going to move forward, she had to be honest and share the part of her that was walled off. He was taking the wall apart anyway; slowly, painstakingly, brick by brick, he was dismantling it.
“The last relationship I was in was a while ago.”
He nodded and pulled her closer. “How long ago?”
“About four years.”
“Are you sure you want to talk about it? We don’t have to.”
“I want to tell you.” She frowned. “It's just…it's hard to tell you about feelings I had back then, feelings for someone else. Part of me doesn't want to even think about it, but I have to if I'm going to be completely open with you.”
“But those feelings, that part of your life, molded you into the person you are now, the person here with me.” His hands stroked lazily up and down her back. “If you can deal with talking about it, I can certainly handle listening.”
She felt a rush of warmth at his words and kissed his chin, gaining the strength to continue.
“Jason and I met at the beginning of our junior year at BU. We had a couple of classes together and had some of the same friends. We started dating, casually at first, but then it got more serious.”
She stopped as memories from that time came crashing back, memories she’d hidden away for so long. After all these years, she could still see his face so clearly.
“We moved in together after graduation. We had a tiny little one-room apartment in a crowded neighborhood, but we were happy. We sublet the apartment during the summer and rented a place with Jason’s best friend, Denny, in Woods Hole. He dated Lydia for a few years.
“When Jason and I were accepted into the master's program at BU, we were so excited. I thought we were headed toward a life together. I mean, we were young, but I knew how I felt, and I thought I knew how he felt. But then I came home one night, and he was just…gone.” She swallowed heavily. “It came out of the blue. At least, for me it did. We’d had a little argument the day before… I mean, it wasn’t even an argument, really, it was more of a serious conversation. I was upset that we’d hardly been spending any time together. He was always at the library or at the lab or working… He told me he missed me, and promised me things would change. And they did, because he just…walked out. I found out later that he went to California, but I never heard from him again.”
“Youneverheard from him again?”
She shook her head. “Never.”
“Wow.”
“I was a wreck. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep… Jane was my lifeline. She was living in Boston by then and was with me as much as possible. And I talked to my aunt Dee a lot. She was a huge help.”
“I’m glad you had them to rely on.”
“I wouldn’t have made it without them. But there's a little bit more to the story.” She took a deep breath and forged ahead. “Shortly after Jason left, I found out I was pregnant.”
Will's hands stopped their movement, and she pulled back to look up at him.
“About four or five weeks after he left, I knew something wasn't right. I thought it was stress, but then I started to feel strange.”
“Did you tell him?” Will asked quietly.
“I tried, but he changed his number. Denny helped me—he finally got in touch with him and gave me his new number. I thought it was important, of course… I thought he had the right to know I was carrying his child. I thought for sure he would talk to me. How could he just ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening?”
Her voice caught as the emotional agony of those days reasserted itself, and she curled closer to Will’s chest.
“I miscarried while I was still early on in the pregnancy,” she continued, her voice rough. “He never called. Not once. But as sad as the miscarriage was, I was relieved. And then I felt guilty for being relieved.”
Will frowned and shook his head.
