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“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I have a lot of thinking to do about . . .” I glanced at Corbin. “Everything.”
Val nodded and filled up three drinks, placing one in front of each of us. When she took the chair Tiffany had vacated, I crossed my feet in her lap.
We sat that way, just the three of us, talking until the party died down.
Every once in a while, I’d catch myself looking up. The moon was full, but I wondered how long until I’d take in the night sky and feel anything other than empty.
4
Manning
2004
“Inquiring minds want to know,” I heard from behind me as I approached the end of aisle nine. “What does a mysterious man like Manning Sutter put in his shopping basket?”
I didn’t need to turn to see whose mind was inquiring. “A poor attempt at dinner,” I responded.
Martina Klausen was the town’s blonde beauty, recently divorced and swimming in money. Because of her straightforward German sensibility and appreciation for a good, strong piece of furniture, I’d indulged her flirting in the beginning. She was the only woman I knew here who didn’t beat around the bush too much or need her hand held, and for that reason, she made for a decent distraction from my thoughts.
She caught up with me, craning her neck to inspect the contents of my basket. “Meat, potatoes . . . and lots of beer. Could you be any more of a man? Are you going home to watch the fight or what?”
“I might be if I had a TV.”
“But how do you keep entertained in the evenings?” She winked, pushing her cart alongside me. “How about I come make you dinner?”
With my basket in one hand, I took a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of my shirt and shook one free. I slid it out with my lips. “Not tonight,” I muttered.
“You need vegetables. I can make ’em just right so they don’t even taste healthy.”
I stuck the cigarette behind my ear until I could light it on the drive home. That simple gesture reminded me of Lake, how I used to wait to smoke until she was out of breathing distance. That wasn’t anything new. Lots reminded me of Lake, especially around Big Bear. Some days, all I felt was the sting of loss and of those memories.
Tiffany and I had gotten divorced almost four years ago and even though Charles had offered to keep me on at Ainsley-Bushner, I’d left my job and moved to Big Bear as soon as I was able. It’d been the last place I’d felt at peace. Up here, there was tons of space for a workshop, and when I shut down the house at night, I could see the stars, every one of them, just miles and miles of endless universe and me.
I fell back to Earth when I recognized Pearl Jam on the grocery store’s loudspeakers. The song wasn’t “Black,” which made me think of Lake every time, but the opening line of “Last Kiss” reminded me of her nonetheless. Was there no escaping her?
Grumbling to myself, I got in line at the cashier while Martina followed, talking about the benefits of cutting out carbs, the latest fad. I likely would’ve missed the glossy tabloid covers if I hadn’t been trying to avoid Martina, but as soon as my eyes hit Us Weekly, I felt like I’d been sucker punched. In the lower left-hand corner, the picture was small, but there was no mistaking it—Lake, smiling at something in the distance with a man’s arm around her shoulders. A circle with a question mark blocked his face, but I knew the answer. It was Corbin. The headline underneath just rubbed salt in the wound.
Who will win Lake’s heart? Our predictions on pg. 28
I’d followed Lake’s career enough to know she was on a hit reality show. I hadn’t seen it. Once the commercials had started to air, and it became clear Corbin would be a regular in Lake’s love life, I’d gotten rid of my TV. It was hard enough that so much in this town reminded me of her, but now there she was, beaming at me in checkout lane three. Like old times, my neck and chest heated with Corbin’s possessive embrace on her. What did Corbin have to do with this anyway? He was a big shot in New York last I’d heard, and had no business in Hollywood.
Martina touched my elbow. “Manning?”
I startled. “What?”
“Are you okay?” she asked as the cashier snapped her gum at me.
I unpacked my groceries onto the conveyor belt, glancing at the rag. At Lake. Her smile leapt off the page. She looked happy and that was the thing that both soothed and killed me. She was in a better place like I’d wanted. Maybe all along, she could’ve been happy with Corbin.
