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Chapter Twenty-Seven
Malcolm
I’m restless all afternoon when I leave Nala.
My mind is racing, jumbled with questions, and my heart is fucking aching because when I said that today, I knew it would hurt her. What kind of bastard does that?
This one, I think. This bastard, because it’s not enough to love Nala Jansen. I need to have her, to know her, to understand her, and I can’t do any of that without going back and filling in those gaps of all the time between. Fuck do I wish I could.
I go home and strip my shirt off, and then I do a circuit of pull-ups, pushups, and dips, ignoring the resounding ache in my leg each time I push myself to get one more. Pain is a far better feeling than the jittery uncertainty that’s rolling around inside me.
When I finish my last set, I’ve worked up a substantial sweat and my mind is a little clearer. Wishing I could top it off with a swim in the ocean, I settle for a long shower instead. And then I text Isa and ask her who’s picking Teo up from school.
Mamá. He has soccer at four.
Christ, I hate soccer. Total divas. Then I think of waiting around in my house alone, since Brooks is working out the details of another show with his manager, and Hunter is gone for his last tournament before he comes home for good until the wedding.
Tell Carmen I’ll get him and take him to soccer.
Teo is thrilled with the arrangement, and his happiness incites some of my own. We have an hour before his practice, so I stop at a small Quickmart and grab him a protein bar and an Icee. While he devours it and I work my way across town to the soccer field, he tells me everything about his day, from beginning to end. The only time his voice changes is when he mentions a girl, Alyssa, and it makes my lips quirk.
“She wanted to play kickball and when Markus wouldn’t let her, she shoved him and stole the ball. She got put against the wall for the rest of recess.” His tone is wistful, and I have to take deep breaths to keep myself from laughing out loud.
And another one bites the dust.
“I get to wear a tux for Aunt Isa’s wedding.”
I pull into the field parking lot, noting that there’s only one other car here. “Oh yeah? Me too.”
“Sorry, I’m going to look so much better than you.”
Christ, this kid is going to bust some balls when he gets old enough to really rock this confidence. “It’s hard to look good when you’re so short.”
“Nah, Uncle Felipe isn’t as tall as you and he’s got two girls right now.”
Oh, boy. “How do you know that?”
Teo shrugs, sucking the straw until it gurgles with air, cleaning out the rest of his Icee. “I heard him arguing with the girl he brought to our party—said something about how she knew all along about Emmy.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Then she said something like, ‘You’re right. I did.’ And then walked off. Which seems weird because if she knew, why’s she so mad?”
To be seven and innocent. Scratching a hand over my chin, I settle on a shrug. “Girls are complicated, bud. No telling why they do some things.”
His sigh is large, but when I look at him, I see he’s thinking of something else. “Boys are weird too.”
“Yeah, I guess we are.”
He picks at a scab on his knee, and I wait, because it’s obvious he has something to say. “You okay, Teo? Someone bothering you?”
He shakes his head. “No…I mean, my dad. His mom keeps calling my mom and saying stuff, and she’s trying to get me to come and stay with them for a few nights, and go see David in jail.”
Red hot anger pulses through me, and I clench my fists on the steering wheel. Adults always reprimand kids, say that they’re to blame for things, that the video games they play make them violent, or the music they listen to gives them aggressive tendencies. It’s all bullshit.
No one fucks kids up more than the people who sire them, and the adults who use them against one another.
“What do you want?”
