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21
Alex had been waiting outside Logan’s apartment building almost fifteen minutes, sitting on the steps leading up to the main entrance, breathing in the scent of the flowers growing in the flowerbeds that lined the front of the building. Someone was tending them, and they were doing a beautiful job.
She didn’t know much about flowers, but she recognized a few of them, like the red mandevillas. Her aunt Willow had bought them every year for her front porch. Of course, she hadn’t watered them or tended to them at all. That had fallen to Alex. Still, she’d grown to like the delicate flowers that attracted hummingbirds.
She looked up as Logan’s car pulled into a parking space reserved for those who lived in the building. When he got out, he pulled a couple of bags from the passenger seat. Must be their dinner, but Alex couldn’t imagine eating right now. She wanted to find out what was going on with him. Until then, she couldn’t think about food. She could barely think at all.
He smiled as he walked toward her, and she was suddenly hit with a truth she’d been hiding from, pushing it out of her mind and refusing to deal with it. She’d grown to love Logan. And not just as a friend. But she couldn’t tell him now. Couldn’t ask him to think about that now when he was clearly facing something serious. Honestly, she wasn’t completely sure what love was anyway. She’d never been loved. Really loved. She just knew she had to have this man in her life. That without him, the world would be smaller. Grayer.
What if Logan didn’t feel that way about her? If she made a mistake and told him how she felt, she could lose him. She couldn’t allow that to happen. She didn’t want to be alone again. The idea terrified her.
“Went by that new Mexican place and got enough food to feed us for a month.” He shrugged. “I’ll put whatever we don’t eat in the fridge. When I need something, I’ll just nuke it.”
She stood up and waited silently for him to unlock the entrance to the building.
He put the bags down and opened the door, then snatched up the bags with one hand and held the door open with his other.
As Alex walked down the hall to his apartment, a voice in her head told her to leave. Now. Before Logan said something she didn’t want to hear. But she stayed where she was. She had to see this through. Had to know the truth. Had to find out how she could help him.
Once inside his apartment, Logan put the bags on his kitchen table.
“What do you want to drink?” Alex asked him.
“I made more iced tea. It’s in a pitcher in the fridge.”
She took some glasses out of a cabinet and put ice in them. Then she filled them with tea and carried them to the table.
Logan had grabbed plates, forks, and napkins. Once they’d both sat down, he removed tacos, enchiladas, chips, and queso from the bags. Even fried cinnamon sticks. Alex was certain everything was delicious, but at that moment the smell made her stomach turn over.
Logan said a short prayer while Alex watched him. Somewhere inside she knew what he was going to say. She’d suspected it almost right away, but she hadn’t allowed herself to believe it. He kept saying the problem was in his back. But back problems don’t cause confusion and forgetfulness.
Logan put some food on his plate, then pushed an enchilada and the box with tacos toward her. “Eat something, Alex.”
“I can’t. Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
Logan took a bite of his enchilada, then chewed and swallowed it without looking at her. After a sip of his tea, he finally met her eyes.
“I have a brain tumor. Wednesday I’ll have surgery to have it removed. The surgeon will request a biopsy to determine if it’s malignant.”
Although Logan was only confirming what Alex expected, she was still shocked to hear the words. She felt as if someone had punched her in the gut. For a few seconds she couldn’t catch her breath.
Logan’s eyes widened, and he looked surprised. “Are ... are you okay?”
She wanted to say yes, needed to say yes, but the words just wouldn’t come. She was horrified to realize she was crying. Again.
Logan got up, pulled a chair up next to her, and sat down. “I’ll be all right, Alex. The tumor is most likely benign. Even if it isn’t, there’s treatment for it.” He took her hands. “I’ll be all right,” he said again.
“You don’t know that,” she said, her voice shaking.
“God is a good God,” he said gently. “It’s not His will for me to suffer. I’m choosing to trust Him. It’s all I can do, isn’t it?”
Alex turned her head and gazed at him. “I’m sorry I’m acting like this. I’m not sure why...” She couldn’t finish the sentence because she really did know why. She’d lost her father, her mother, and her aunt. She couldn’t lose Logan too. She just couldn’t. She laid her head on his shoulder. “You’re my best friend,” she said. “If anything ever happened to you...”
He laughed lightly. “Trust me, you’d find another friend. Besides, you have another best friend. One who sticks closer than a brother. If you hang on to Him, you’ll be okay. You’ll always make it through, no matter what happens to me.”
She lifted her head and straightened up in her chair. “I’m so embarrassed. This isn’t the way a tough FBI agent should act.”
“You should have seen me when I couldn’t find you. When I learned that a sick serial killer had abducted you.” He took a quick breath and held it for a moment. When she looked into his eyes, she saw something. Something she couldn’t deal with right then. She pushed herself away from him.
