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“She’s stable for now. We had to pump her stomach and the wounds on her wrists are stitched up as well as the one on her stomach.” He says it in such a clinical voice that I want to smack the shit out of him.
“Can we go see her?” I ask as everyone stands.
“Maybe in a few hours after she’s rested. She flatlined once when she first came in and we were setting her up in the OR, but she’s fine now. She just needs as much rest as possible, and we need to monitor her for a while, seeing as her vitals aren’t back to normal yet,” he says stoically.
“Thanks, Doc,” is all I can manage to say as his words hit me in the chest once again. She flatlined, which means she basically died even if it was for only a few seconds. I royally fucked shit up with her and I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back from that.
A few minutes later, Luna and Avery leave the waiting room and then come back with coffee for everyone.
After Riley’s outburst earlier today, no one else has said anything to me. Maybe they see how torn up I am or the guilt on my face. Who the hell knows? But I feel as though I’m in my own version of hell right now—which is of my own making—but I won’t feel better until I see her face and make sure that she’s actually alive.
We spend hours in the waiting room, waiting until it’s time to see her. In those moments, I vow again to let all this shit go and forget about the past. Gray was right. I need to put this to rest.
If we don’t stop, we’ll hurt each other beyond repair, and tonight, we came pretty fucking close. One of us was close to burying the other tonight. I just need to step away from her and not engage anymore. I’ll have to act like she doesn’t exist anymore…
