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“Fuck,” he muttered.
“I’ll go to Cali. You can move there after you graduate,” I suggested softly because I’d miss him so much. I needed to start over and build a new life for myself, with new friends, but I’d miss him terribly.
“Maybe I’ll transfer, depending on where you end up.”
“You’d do that for me?” I choked out, my eyes and nostrils burning with unshed tears. After losing Tasa and then Alex, I was drowning. I felt as if I’d lost almost everyone important to me, and here my brother had thrown me a lifeline.
“Of course, I would. You’re my sister, Nina. You’ve taken care of me your entire life. I know you stayed in New York because of me. I’m not going to pass up the chance to be there for you for once. And, it’s not like it matters whether I’m a musician here or in L.A. So once you know where you’re going, I’ll transfer. Then we’ll both get away from Mother and start our lives for real.”
“That’s…more than I ever expected,” I said. “Most of the deadlines have passed, but I’ll double check to see if there’s any place I can apply to. Who knows, maybe I’ll get in somewhere in the fall.”
“If you do, then I’ll apply for a transfer right away. Hell, I may drop out of college and head out west to meet you.”
“Yo-Yo,” I started.
He held up his hand. “Let’s just see how it goes. Yes, I agreed to go to college, but I’m not giving up on my dream, no matter what. Get yourself into a program, and we can both leave this washed city and start new somewhere else. Someplace sunny.” He placed his hand on top of mine. “Someplace where we can live the lives we were meant to live.”
The life I was meant to live was with Alex, but I bit my tongue. That life was dead to me. Instead, I nodded my head and gave him a watery smile.
It was a plan, which was more than I had five minutes ago. And my brother would be joining me at some point. That was more than I could’ve wished for after losing Alex. Because what I told him was true. I’d go insane if I had to see Alex with his new wife by his side. It was hard enough, doing everything in my power to avoid meeting him by accident. In the mornings, I went around the corner instead of passing by the café on my way to the subway. Knowing that in the afternoon, he was holed up in his office, if he was in Queens at all, I usually took my normal route back, but I only walked in the neighborhood when absolutely necessary.
He’d be married, and soon after, he’d have kids. I gulped down a large swallow of hot coffee, forcing the liquid down through the tightening muscles of my throat. The instant that thought dawned on me, I realized I’d better savor my time with my parents and brother in my childhood home because once I left, I wasn’t ever coming back.
