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“She was very talented.”
Even though I don’t want to, I look at the drawing she’s talking about. It’s one of my favorites. Even at an early age, Aislin had a knack for drawing people. She couldn’t draw a flower or a swing set, or even a house without making it look dilapidated, that was more my talent, but she could draw people as good as any artist. This one is of a close up of me and her. I have my arm thrown over her shoulder with her head resting against my upper arm. We’re both smiling, and she captured every detail of our faces. I was amazed when she showed me even though I shouldn’t have because it wasn’t the first time she’d drawn us. She hung it on the wall because she said every home should have pictures of the family that lived there. To her, this was our very own home.
“She was,” I grunt and drop my eyes from the picture. “Your name is Rebecca Stewart.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and pulls in a deep breath, mentally preparing herself.
“Rebecca,” she breathes, opening her eyes again. She looks at me curiously. “It sounds strange, doesn’t it? I don’t feel like a Rebecca.”
“To me, you’ll always be Doe.”
She smiles sadly. “I like Doe.” She turns quiet for a moment before she whispers brokenly, “Please don’t make me go.”
I want so badly to go to her and pull her into my arms. To promise her everything will be okay, that I’ll protect her, and that she can stay as long as she wants. I hold my place because I can’t do those things. She’s not mine to keep. She’s not mine to protect anymore. I was there for her while she needed me, but she has someone else out there now who will take that job of protector.
“Your uncle misses you, Doe. He was so heartbroken when he thought he lost you,” I tell her quietly, wishing she knew this was just as hard on me as it was on her. “You deserve a chance at happiness and having a family again. Meet him and give him a chance.”
Her eyes drop to the floor, and she reveals softly, “I’m scared.”
I do walk to her then, unable to bear the fear and pain in her voice. Taking a chance, I put a finger to her chin and lift her face. She doesn’t flinch from my touch, and it shoots pleasure through me.
Her teary gaze meets mine. “It’s normal to be scared. Facing the unknown can be frightening. But you’re strong.” I wipe a tear away with the tip of my finger, and she trembles. “I’m going to go see him tomorrow to tell him about you. If it’ll make you feel safer, we can set a time for you to meet him at the station the next day.”
The fear doesn’t leave her eyes, but after several seconds, acceptance slides in along beside it. She nods her agreement, but I can tell she still doesn’t want to.
I force my lips to form a smile when I feel anything but happy right now. “Good. You’ll see that everything will be fine.”
She doesn’t smile back, and it makes my already bruised heart twinge in pain.
“You ready to go? Poor Betsy is down there wondering how you are.”
I try to make a light joke, and this time, it earns me a sad smile as she nods. “Yes.”
She walks to the door in the floor, and I help her down on the ladder. Before I follow her, I look back around the small room, knowing I’ll never come back here again.
Betsy barks below when she sees Doe descending the steps, and I turn to make my way behind her. I close the door behind me, not wanting any wild animals to get inside. I may not ever come back, but that doesn’t mean I want it destroyed.
Doe and Betsy are waiting for me when I step off the last spindle. I turn and meet her sad eyes. I grab her hand and all three of us go back the way we came.
As Doe’s warm hand rests in mine and the dried leaves crunch beneath our feet, I send up a silent prayer that Doe finds the peace she needs and deserves. I send up another prayer asking God to give me the strength to let her go.
