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CHAPTER 8
I was on the rope again, the flame so hot beneath me it made my eyes burn. I knew I couldn’t shut them, or I could lose my balance, so I ignored the tears that began to swell and fall down my cheeks. My heart pounded as I slowly made my way to the other side. I tried my best to tune everything out—the crowd, Saeva, the constant noise in my head. I took a deep breath, and my legs began to shake; they never did that. Why were my legs betraying me? I stopped in the middle of the rope, trying to regain some control, to slow down the panic that began to rise like the fire beneath me.
CRACK!
I flinched at the sound of the whip from Saeva. It sounded so close, as if he were behind me. I turned my head around and it wasn’t the ringmaster who looked back at me, but Jonathan, the man who drugged me in that parlor when I was seventeen.
He began walking towards me, and once again, I had no control over my body, just as before. The rope swung violently, and my muscles strained to keep me from falling into the flames.
He was getting closer now. Only a few more steps until his unwanted hands searched my body. Until his hands would give me bruises that lasted weeks. Until his hands took what he wanted and not what was given to him.
Panic .I felt panic. I could not go through that again.
CRACK!
The sound of the whip rang again, and my body flinched at the noise. I couldn’t catch my balance before my body was falling through the air and into the flames below.
Pain erupted through every part of me as my back began to burn so badly it felt as though my skin was being shredded off my body. The flames were everywhere, and I could feel the fire inside me now, in my veins, in my eyes, in my lungs. Beneath the pain there was something else—a different kind of fire—that burned within me.
Power.
Hands wrapped around my shoulders to drag me out of the fire and—
“RHIA!”
I was being shaken. Two strong hands were wrapped around my shoulders, and I suddenly became aware of my surroundings. I was not in the tent or in the flames—I was home.
I was safe.
The same voice that woke me from my slumber was softer now. “It’s okay, it was just a dream.”
The hands that gripped my shoulders released, and I looked up to discover it was Mendex who came to check on me.
Heat flooded my cheeks with embarrassment. Everyone who lived on this floor of the castle knew about my nightmares, but typically Amica, whose room was right beside mine, was the only one who could really hear them.
When I was younger, she used to always rush into my room in the middle of the night when she heard my screams. She would hold me as I sobbed, and then proceeded to get under the covers and fall asleep beside me. Amica had nightmares too, of the night she lost her family. Many nights I ran to her room as well, to help her know she was not alone. I think that was why we had so many sleepovers growing up; it helped to have a friend beside me, to pull me back to reality.
Although I wouldn’t wish night terrors on anyone, especially my best friend, it was nice to have someone to relate with, someone who understood. To both know we had each other for when the night came to haunt us.
As I got older, I asked Amica to just stay in her room and sleep if I had a nightmare. I felt bad, what with her climbing out of bed in the middle of the night. She asked the same of me.Although, there were still many nights where one of us ended up paying a visit to the other.
The nightmares weren’t currently as consistent as they were when I was a child, but they still loved to pay a visit every now and then. Unfortunately, I didn’t think anyone informed Mendex of this, and he must have been walking the halls when he heard me scream.
I lay my head back on the headboard and sighed. “I am so sorry, Mendex. Did I wake you?”
He was sitting on the edge of my bed, keeping a respectable but still comforting distance.
“There’s no reason to be sorry, or embarrassed.” He looked at me, his eyes warm. “Nightmares are proof that what you survived is only a part of your past, and when it comes to visit you in the present, it can only be in the form of a dream. A dream that you will always wake up from.” He smiled softly. “And, I was already awake, so it was not a problem to check up on you. Although I’m a royal guard, so it’s my duty to see that those in the castle—not just the prince—are safe.” His gaze was confident and reassuring as he placed his hand over mine. “But you’re also my friend. I would’ve come anyway.”
I smiled back at him and said softly, my throat still sore from screaming, “You’re my friend, too.”
He looked at me not with pity, but with understanding in his eyes. “If you ever need me, you know where my quarters are.” He stood from the bed. “You’re never a burden, Rhia.”
I tried to blink back the tears that swelled in my eyes as Mendex slowly closed the door on his way out, allowing me the space that I needed. My throat burned again. However, this time it wasn’t from the screaming.
???
I sat at my vanity as Ancilla began putting my hair up into an extravagant updo. Her blonde curls bounced with the movement of her body as she tried to get my hair to look just right.
