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CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
VANESSA
It had been four days since my uncle's death. The world continued to rotate as before, which I found particularly cruel. But no matter how hard I tried or how many nights I cried, I could never bring him back. The truth was as sharp as a dagger. But I refused to give in to the misery that afflicted me. There wasn't enough time. Debts had to be settled.
I knocked on Ethan's door and pushed it open.
"Hi." Despite the fact that we were only a few feet apart, I knew he couldn't hear my timid voice. It was awkward having to speak with him after such a long time. Something that had almost felt as natural and easy as breathing was now strange to me, and I wondered if it was the same for him.
"Hi." He was dressed in pants and a shirt. When he saw me, he paused. As he stared at me, his back was straight and his chest puffed up. Though his eyes conveyed remorse for my suffering, I could tell that a part of him was angry at me. I had pushed him away for days, and I knew I would have been equally angered if the opposite had happened.
I had planned my words before entering his room, but I couldn't think of anything to say while standing there with him. I missed him more than anything else.
"I—" he began, hoping to break the awkward silence between us.
I slipped my hand into Ethan's, and he looked surprised. If my plan was to work, I needed him to trustme.
"Let's go somewhere," I suggested.
Ethan had obviously been getting ready to leave before I entered his room, but the moment I spoke, he was completely focused on me.
That's something I missed. I realized this after watching him stare at me intently as I spoke and leaned into him.
What are we going to do?his eyes asked, but he did not say anything for fear of changing my mind.
"I just need to get out of the house for a few hours. I can't think of anyone else I'd feel safe with besides you," I said.
He tried to lift my chin to look at me, but I refused. I kept my eyes closed for fear of him seeing right through me, or worse, staring into his dark eyes and giving myself up.
Ethan was a cautious man, and I could see the tension in his muscles. He wasn't the type of guy who could afford to go places without knowing where he was going, and I was worried that he wouldn't budge until I told him where I wanted to take him.
"All right, let's go," Ethan said.
"Will youlet me drive?" I asked.
He was eager to allow me to do what I wanted—guilt.
The drive was quiet, and I didn't even look at him once. Nervousness threatened to take hold, so I preoccupied myself with keeping it hidden. I couldn't show him how upset I was. My hands on the steering wheel were sweaty, but I resisted the urge to wipe them against my clothes.
We were standing at Uncle Fred's house when I brought the car to a halt. Ethan's eyes were sad as he looked at me. "I understandwhy you came here. I'm sorry, Vanessa."
I gave a curt nod. It was far too late for apologies; nothing had been fixed. I was looking for justice. "Let's go."
I outpaced Ethan, but he caught up to me at the door. "I'm not going to let you get too far away from me."
"I will not letanything or anyone touch you," he vowed. As I looked up at Ethan, my resolve weakened once more.
How can you go through with this, Vanessa?I asked myself again. We could have walked away, gonesomewhere else where we could start over, and I could try to forgive him. But we were already there. Despite the fact that I couldn't see Luke, I knew he was already inside, armed with a gun.
"Ethan," I said in hushed tones. I don't think we should go in any longer.
But he hugged me, silencingmy words before I could say them. I melted into him instinctively, desperate for human contact, particularly Ethan's reassuring arms around me. The entire world fell silent, and all I could hear wasourheartbeats.
"It's fine, Vanessa. You came here looking for something, so why not go all the way? I'll be there for you," he promised.
I buried my face in Ethan's chest, squeezing my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. This is not the time to shed tears.
"Let's go," I said, pulling away. He agreed and moved aside to allow me to open the door.
