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At last, Joel spoke. “The journey will be cold. What should we do with the children?” His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed. “Leave them with Calle?”
The smart thing would be to leave them with Calle. The safe thing would be to leave them with Calle. The idea created a massive pit of discomfort in her belly. Not just over the thought of telling him the truth, but from being separated from her babies for any length of time.
“If we end up seeing my father, I want him to meet his grandchildren. At least once. Will the journey be too awful for them?”
“Just the nights. We’ll make it work.”
She watched as he disappeared into the kitchen, only to reappear with a glass of water. He gave her a stern look as he set it on the table within reach. “You are staying downstairs for the rest of the night, so I can watch over you.”
“But Joel—”
“Please.”
After a few moments of contemplation, she nodded and allowed him to drape a blanket over her. He proceeded to fuel the fire before curling up beneath his sleep roll on the ground, his back facing her.
A surprising blanket of comfort wrapped around her, a feeling of safety she hadn’t felt in so long. Within minutes, her eyes drifted closed, and she fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter 7
Joel’s horse, Sunweave, nickered and flicked his tail in annoyance when he pulled the strap too tight. The creature snorted and released an overexaggerated huff as if attuned to his mood. A barrage of emotions catapulted through him, but he forced his mind to empty and his expression to remain blank.
He strapped several bedrolls to the saddle and exhaled a short, frosty breath as he stuffed provisions into the bulging saddlebags.
Scuff. Scuff. Scuff.
The scrape of cane against rock alerted him to Nyana’s approach. He refused to look her way. Instead, he occupied himself by tucking filled waterskins away for the long, hazardous journey.
His jaw clenched at the thought of his stepchildren. They should stay with Calle. But this wasn’t his decision to make.
Silent tension scratched his spine like a feline sharpening its claws. Maintaining a blank expression became a difficult task.
“You are angry with me,” Nyana finally said from where she stood several paces behind him.
He remained silent for a few long moments as he thought through his reply. At last, he turned to face her, the crisp, morning air a barrier between them. A brown fur coat hugged her small frame, her long Sun Fae ears hidden beneath a fur hat. Several blonde strands of hair escaped the hat. Her blue eyes pierced a hole through his soul. Although her face was pale, she looked much healthier than the night before.
“I don’t know what to think.” He hugged his arms against his chest to erect another barrier between them. “I know I offered marriage and protection with no strings attached. But I can’t help but feel hurt and betrayed.” His voice broke. “You almost died last night, Nyana. What then? Did you expect it to happen? What about the girls? Did you want me to raise them on my own?”
Her blue eyes filled with guilt as she lowered her gaze to the ground. “I had hoped I could fight the curse. It wasn’t my intention to hide it.”
A long, foggy breath escaped him as he braced himself against Sunweave, mainly to reign in his emotions. He didn’t want to give any piece of his heart to someone he might lose again. Losing Nyana had hurt immensely the first time. The second time had almost obliterated him. What crumbs would remain if he allowed it to happen a third time?
He couldn’t let his heart get involved in this marriage. Too much lay at risk.
“I am not opposed to raising them,” he amended in a calmer tone, though his gaze remained glued to the dappled spots on the horse’s coat. “But I would prefer we do it together. I just want you to be more open with me about this. No more surprises.”
Her reply escaped as a whisper. “I will try.”
Turning his head, he found her hands pressed over her heart, her expression distraught. No, not just distraught. Her eyes were twin pools of raging fear. Somehow, she made herself appear even smaller, hunching with her arms tucked into her person.
She was afraid of him. Of what he might do to her in his anger.
Although Nyana was the strongest person he knew…
She was also the most fragile.
His frustration and anger melted off his brows like candle wax as he offered the barest smile. “I’m sorry. You just…you really scared me last night. I don’t think anyone wants to become a widower on their wedding day.”
Slowly, her hands lowered, and she released a trembling breath. “No, I suppose not.” She kept her gaze lowered, though she didn’t move away. As if waiting.
