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After tidying up as much as we can, we spread the blankets out even more until there’s enough room for us all to lie down.
This is the first time we all go to sleep together, and I love it.
Coen is at my back again, Alec at my front, and Kas is behind him. When Coen snuggles closer and spoons me tightly, I stretch my arm across Alec’s yawning form so I’m touching all three of my guys.
I’m almost asleep when Alec moves closer and whispers, “Thank you for being here with us.”
“Thank you for sharing this with me—with us—I had no idea you owned this place or that it was still… I’m sorry, Alec, I don’t really know what to say. But thank you for bringing me here.” His hand trails slowly down my cheek, and I move my head, so my lips touch his palm.
“I’ll do anything for you, Baby. You just have to let me.” Alec’s words make tingles spread from the bottom of my stomach and all throughout my body. I don’t have the words to even attempt articulating an answer. Instead of trying, I move my hand behind his neck and pull him closer in a soft kiss.
Tonight has been imperfectly perfect, and I wish I could live every day like this—minus the imperfectness. To laugh and love like this is easier than I thought, which is why it hurts to know it’s nothing but a fabrication. A bend of reality and nothing more.
I have a mission, and as soon as we have lowered Mark into the ground, it’s time. Until then, I’ll start laying down the groundwork. There’s been a gazillion times tonight where I wanted to ask Coen about his previous pets, but I never found the right time. However, now that they’ve all promised to help me, I feel better knowing that Mr. Riley—or Neil—will get what he deserves.
Although it felt sacrilegious to talk about Mr.—Neil—in Alec’s former home, I feel better knowing I’ve been honest about everything. Coming out tonight, all I wanted was some time to act normal. To act like earth-shattering grief and all-consuming wrath isn’t consuming my every thought. And now I feel much better than I deserve to feel, just by knowing I’m not alone.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, forcing myself not to watch the window. I don’t want to see dawn approaching, signaling that my time for indulgence is almost over.
“Goodnight,” I whisper.
Although I’m fully prepared to once again dream of the night a part of me died, I don’t. I don’t dream, I don’t sleep at all. I thrash and turn, fruitlessly trying to get comfortable in my guys’ embrace.
“What’s wrong?” Alec’s voice is deep, fully betraying how close to sleep he is.
Sighing, I press my fists against my eyes so hard that I see spots of light dance beneath my eyelids. “I can’t sleep,” I simply say.
“Come here.” Alec pulls me further from Coen and closer to himself.
He wraps his arms securely around me, and I obediently let him turn me so our chests are pressed together. His breath fans across my hair on each exhale, making me snuggle even closer so my head is resting on his bicep so close I can hear his heart beating.
“I got you, Baby.”
For some reason, those three words make my heart ache, and I feel something akin to anxiety. He’s right. He’s got me now, but for how long?
“Alec,” I whimper his name as I drag my leg up and wind it around his hip. “I need you.” I don’t think about what I’m saying or doing, I just let myself act. Let my body drive me to what it wants, all while I take a spectator seat.
“Here?” That’s all he says as I gyrate my hips against his hardening cock. “Christ, Baby—”
I move my arms around his neck and bury my fingers in his jet-black mane. His hair feels so soft beneath my touch, a stark contrast to how hard his body feels against mine. Alec is a wall of muscles, and I love how small and feminine he makes me feel.
“I hurt you, so please let me make you feel good. I need to,” I beg, kissing his stubbled jaw.
There’s no cosmic score that needs to be settled. I know Alec meant it earlier when he said we’re fine, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the need to reclaim him the only way I know how to.
Rather than waiting for his permission to keep going, I snake one hand between us so I can squeeze his clothes-covered shaft. His shuttered exhale is all the permission I need, and I move my hand up and down, reveling in the feeling of having him in my hand.
Feeling empowered, I move my hand beneath his boxers and spread the pre-cum from his slit along his dick. “Does it feel good?” I purr.
Alec doesn’t answer me with words. Instead, he tilts his head down and captures my lips in a slow but commanding kiss. Eagerly, I open up for him, desperate to feel his tongue wrap itself around mine. Letting him dominate the kiss, I mirror his every movement.
“What do you want?” Alec groans into my mouth as I continue to pump his shaft in my hand. “I want to feel you, too.”
“I just want you to feel good,” I answer while tilting my hips, so he’s lined up against my wet core. “I just—” A moan is torn from my throat as Alec thrusts into my hand, and I feel the tip of him hit my clit in the most perfect way.
Alec’s chuckle is throaty and filled with lust, making me desperate to bring him as much pleasure as I’m able to. Letting go of his cock, I awkwardly push his boxers down and free his hardness before pushing my wet underwear out of the way. Then I angle him against my wet heat, rubbing my juices onto him.
“Don’t!” Alec exclaims in a panicked whisper.
