AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Kas despises Alec’s healthy cooking as much as Alec loathes Kas’ attempt to make everything unhealthy. Coen doesn’t much care either way, as long as Alec includes meat. Me, I can’t even remember if I’ve eaten today or what last night’s dinner tasted like. Whether it was healthy or not, tasty or not, it doesn’t change anything.
Mark is still dead!
“Let me go clean up,” I say without acknowledging anything Kas just said.
Rather than being deterred, he follows me and says, “Sure thing, I need to change as well, so I’ll come with you.” Knowing there’s no point in arguing, I let him follow me upstairs, and I pretend to be oblivious to the way he lingers until I disappear into the bathroom, where I shower in record time. I probably should have washed my hair… But who cares? Nothing matters anymore.
“What a coincidence, we finished at the same time,” I dryly observe when Kas walks back into my room just as I pull a sweater over my head.
“Yep, would you look at that?” Despite his enthusiastic tone, I see the worry brewing in his eyes.
The short walk downstairs feels longer than it should. Kas’ hand is hanging next to mine, and a part of me wants to reach out to touch him. To kiss him. To reclaim him and make him ravish me right here. I don’t. Instead, I keep pace with him. We descend the stairs with perfect synchronicity. We both place our left foot on the step below simultaneously before moving our right one.
Since that night, the guys have all kept their distance, and I’m not sure if they’re scared to touch me or repulsed to do so. Please let it be the former, I mentally beg of whatever deity that can read one’s thoughts and make them come true like a genie granting wishes.
I let out a puff of air as I’m forced to recognize it’s not entirely on them, it never is. I’m pretty sure Kas would go along with it if I took his hand, even if I pull him to me and kiss him until I can’t remember why my heart aches. But I don’t. Of course, I don’t.
It’s almost laughable how much went down in such a short amount of time. Then again, is there an unspoken rule for how long it takes to ruin someone’s entire existence? Not that I’ve ever heard of.
“Hey Baby,” Alec says while shooting me a tentative smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I watch as his arm moves toward me, and I’m just about to go to him when he turns the subconscious action into a stretch.
I whirl around when I hear someone walk up behind me, pressing my hand over my mouth when I realize it’s just Coen. Naturally, it’s him. Who else would it be?
“I hope you’re hungry. Alec made enough to last us for days.” There’s a brief look of sadness in his eyes, but it’s gone so quickly I can’t work out what caused it.
Saying nothing, I make my way to the dining table and sit down in my usual chair. Alec dishes up while Coen and Kas talk about something. I try to follow the conversation, but I can’t look away from the basement door. Even though I know the chains are practically unbreakable, I still feel uneasy when I’m not watching him.
What if he breaks free? I know the chance is minuscule, and even if he did, he’d still have to make it past Alec, Coen, and Kas. But still…
“Have you given it any thought, Mia?” Forcing my gaze away from the door, I look at Coen, blinking in confusion.
“Sorry, what?” I ask, since I have no idea what he asked me.
Coen chews his food without looking away from me. “I asked what you want to do for New Year’s?”
Not this again!
“Umm, I haven’t given it much thought. I want to stay here, I guess…” To buy me some time, I force a bite of the pasta into my mouth, chewing for what feels like forever. “You guys are welcome to go out and celebrate, but I don’t want to do anything.” I clarify, lowering my gaze so I don’t have to see the inevitable disappointment in Coen’s.
I know the guys won’t want to celebrate. They’re trying to get me away from the basement. They may not think I’ve heard them, but I have. Just as clearly as I know they’ve listened to my anguished screams, I have listened to their murmured and hushed whispers.
They’re worried about me, I know this.
They’re concerned about whether I will be dragged into the police station for further questioning and if I’ll ever get over Mark’s death. While I do hope that I’ll be happy again one day, I never want to get over losing Mark. In my mind, that would mean I would have forgotten him, and I can never let that happen.
“Baby, maybe you would—”
Standing abruptly, I say, “Thank you for the food, Alec. It’s delicious.” Then, without looking back, I carry my still full plate to the kitchen.
Looking out of the window at the sink, I peek at my reflection, which is worse than I remembered. I don’t know when I last looked. Maybe it was only yesterday or a few days ago, but I don’t recall the circles under my eyes being that prominent or my hair being that unkempt. I self-consciously run a few fingers through the locks, trying to comb them into submission. It’s no use, and rather than dwelling on it, I grab a water bottle from the fridge before heading back to the basement.
Back to the darkness where I feel safe. No, that’s not right. I don’t feel safe. I belong. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. I no longer feel as though I belong up there. I can’t imagine partaking in banter or doing something as pointless as watching a movie. Mark is dead, and a part of me is scared that some vital piece of me died alongside him, leaving behind this empty husk that’s now walking around with my face.
