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A text came through from my good friend in New York, Kirsten, asking me if I wanted to read another book with her. She had introduced me to Jane Austen many years ago before she'd moved to the East Coast, and now the two of us had our own little book club.
As we went back and forth trying to decide on the next book, she also told me that she'd run into Devon yesterday morning getting coffee, and they'd discovered that they lived near each other. Wow. Sometimes, we really did live in a small world.
We settled on a book, and then she sent me a picture of Colin Firth in his wet shirt, making me laugh out loud. God, she knew me well. I missed her so much.
I heard a door slam shut and glanced up to see Josh bounding down the steps behind me.
Damn it!
"You owe me Sparks tickets," he said, breathless.
"Asshole," I muttered.
His grin was almost blinding. "And Lakers. And football."
"I know. I know." I sighed. "You don't have to remind me."
I stood up to the sound of his laughter, just as the timer on my phone went off. "With seconds to spare," he boasted.
Leaning in close to him, I exaggerated an inhale. "Did you even shower? You still smell."
His eyes glared at me, but his mouth still smiled. "Funny."
But the joke was on me because the man smelled delicious. "Come on," I said. "I'll drive." And soon, his yummy post-shower scent filled my car.
Wow, what the hell was wrong with me? I was just not good at this long-distance crap. That's what it was.
I needed my man in my life every day. Or at least on a regular basis. Going weeks, months, without seeing each other was torture. And the worst part was Devon still didn't know how long it would be because the work had turned out to be more complicated than anticipated.
But I missed him desperately. I missed the closeness, the physicality, the cuddles, the sex. I'd never been in a long-distance relationship before, and clearly, I wasn't very good at it.
He'd be back, I reminded myself as we waited at a stoplight. It was only temporary.
"Hey," Josh said, interrupting my thoughts. "So am I meeting your mom's parents? Or your dad's?"
The only sound for a moment was the clicking of my turn signal and the hum of the air conditioning as Josh's question rang through my mind.
"My dad's," I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper.
I felt Josh's eyes on me, and I could practically hear him thinking. "Ah, cool," was all he said though.
As I rounded the corner, I debated whether to tell him or not. I hated even discussing it. But on the other hand, Josh might be in my life for a while, and it'd probably come out at some point.
Plus, at this very moment, we were on our way to see my grandparents. And what if the conversation turned to my dad and Josh was sitting there clueless and started asking questions?
The last thing I wanted was to upset my sweet, caring grandparents who meant so much to me. And I knew that maybe their pain was the greatest of all of us.
Sighing, I stared straight ahead at the brake lights in front of me. "So I should probably let you know that... that, well, my dad is..." Damn, how should I put this? "He's presumed dead."
Once again, I could sense Josh's intense gaze on my face, but I didn't turn to look. "Wow. Okay. I'm—I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, thanks for that." I played with my air conditioning vent for a moment, suddenly feeling cold.
And the quiet stretched out between the two of us as I wondered how much to tell him, guessing he was probably rather curious. He had opened up to me last night, though, and maybe I owed him the same. Not that it worked like that really. But still...
In the end, I decided that Josh was probably a good person to confide in because so far he'd been very non-judgy about anything I'd told him. And my God, I could use someone who believed in me, who maybe didn't think I was insane.
"So a few years ago... It'll be three years ago actually in August," I began. "Well, my family went on a cruise to South America—my mom, dad, brother, and me."
