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Coming Clean
Isabelle
The second I got home and stepped through the door, April and Farrah took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I’d managed to stop crying after the horrible shit Dad told me at the diner, but the sympathy in their worried faces made me break down again in an instant.
“What happened?!” they asked, rushing to my side.
April and Farrah uncorked a bottle of wine while I told my story. I didn’t drink, of course—I had a baby inside me. A baby fathered by a man who hadn’t even wantedmeto be born.
That revelation had broken me. I felt completely dead inside.
“How am I supposed to look at Rust the same?” I asked, tears running down my cheeks. “All this time, I thought it was bad enough that my dad didn’t want me. Now I find out thatRustdidn’t want me, either?”
April consoled me with a hug. “I can’t imagine how much it must’ve hurt to hear your dad say that, Izzy. I’m so sorry.”
I sniffled. “No wonder he never wanted to meet my friends or see my house or have anyone know about us.”
Farrah sighed. “I don’t know, Iz. I don’t think it’s over.”
“How can itnotbe over?” I asked. “What I liked about Rust is that he made me feelwanted.He healed this deep wound, you know? And now I find out it was all just … bullshit. Total bullshit.”
“Yeah …” Farrah said cautiously. “But you only heard your dad’s side of the story. I mean, first of all, did Rust really say that? Or was your dad trying to hurt you? And second, even if Rustdidsay that—yeah, it’s a horrible thing to learn about Rust inretrospect.But at the time?” She shrugged.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I don’t think it means Rust never wanted you to be born or something like that. Hell, whenyoufound out you were pregnant a few days ago, April and I asked you thesameexact question!”
“Yeah, but that’s totally different,” I said.
“Is it, though?” April asked rhetorically. “It’s only different because you grew up to fall in love with Rust. Now, if your baby grows up to be a jacked, six-foot-five, young stud, and Farrah’s some forty-year-old cougar who falls head over heels for him—”
“Hey!” Farrah squealed. “Why amIthe cougar in this scenario?!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, even as tears ran down my cheek.
“—then yeah, he’d probably be upset, but it wouldn’t mean Farrah didn’t love him now, you know? She was just asking aquestion,asking if you were really ready to have a baby. Yeah, it sucks to hear now that you’re grown up, but I don’t think it means anything today. He still loves you.”
“Does he, though? Because he’s neversaidso. Here I am, pregnant with his child, and I don’t even know if he loves me …”
We talked for hours. We never quite resolved anything, of course. I knew Dad was trying to hurt me by telling me what Rust had said all those years ago, and it wasn’t fair to be mad at Rust for it. Still, learning what he’d saiddidhurt me today, and frankly, made me feel very insecure about having a baby with him.
After talking it through with the girls, we reached the point where I knew I had to have a serious talk with Rust. But he was busy playing a hockey game. For once, I didn’t feel like watching. We watched movies all night instead.
Midway through our last movie, April’s phone began to ring. She pulled out her phone and stared at it. “Huh. That’s weird.”
“What?”
“It’s a Minnesota number, but I don’t recognize it. Maybe it’s my brother?” She went into the next room and answered. “Hello?”
Curled up into a ball on the couch, I kept watching the movie.
I could still hear April’s end of the conversation. “Um, no.Youcalled me. Who are you?”
This call sounded weird.
“Rust?” she repeated. “Hang on.”
She rushed back into the living room with a startled look on her face. “Um, Rust just called me.”
