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Rust’s silence spoke volumes.
“He said you wanted me abortedor given up for adoption.” When I spoke again, my voice shook, raw with emotion. “Do you haveanyidea how much that hurts to hear?”
“I can only imagine,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“So it’s true?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know. I don’t remember saying it. But I don’t think your dad made it up, either.”
“Well, if my dad didn’t make it up, then that means you said it, right?”
“Yeah, probably,” he begrudgingly admitted.
“So why would you lie about what you said?”
“Isabelle, I honestly can’t remember what I said. My memory about that time is fuzzy.”
“Oh, how convenient. Your memory is so fuzzy, you remembered saying the exact opposite of what you really said. You can callmea shitty liar all you want, but you are just as bad,Rust. How am I supposed to trust youand your ‘fuzzy’ memory that conveniently remembers things in a way that makes you look good?”
“Fine,” he said angrily. “You can’t trust me, and I can’t trust you.”
“Fine,” I agreed. “So where does that leave us?”
“I don’t know,” he grumbled. “It’s hard to see how this can be fixed.”
“So that’s it, huh?”
I couldn’t believe it. He wanted to break up with me? He wanted to give up this easily? When I was carrying his child? I was so mad, my blood pressure sky rocketed, and I could hear my pulse rushing in my ears.
“I can’tbelieveyou, Rust,” I huffed. “You think I spied on your wife until I got the evidence that would make you divorce her, then waited a few years until I was legal, then moved to Vegas because I ‘knew’ you’d be taken in the expansion draft, as if I care or know anything about that, and then intentionally trapped you with a baby. That’s what you believe. Right?”
“I don’t knowwhatto believe.”
“Then I’ll make it easy on you. I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to continue the cycle.”
“What cycle?”
“I was born to a parent who didn’t want me. That hurtme so badly, so deeply. It’s nowonderI tend to keep things secret from people—how can I be open when I don’t feel like anyone truly wants or loves me? And then those flaws are held against me as evidence of what a shitty person I am? Can’t you see I was fucked from the very beginning? I never even had a chance.”
Rust didn’t say a word.
“So if you don’t want to have this baby? Fine. I’m not going to twist your arm. And I’mcertainlynot going to subject my child to the same shit I went through, either.”
He gasped. “Hey, c’mon, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I’m going to break the cycle. The cycle ends withme,Rust.”
I waited for him to plead with me or try to change my mind.
But seconds that felt like years passed. And Rust didn’t say a word.
That’s when I knew it really was over.
“Wow,” I said, a knife in my heart. “I can’t believe you. You’reawful.Don’t ever call me or text me again.”
I hung up, buried my face in my pillow, and cried my eyes out.
My friends knocked on my door a minute later. “Izzy?”
