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“We’re gracious angels, benevolent queens. If you just acknowledged the harm done wrong by yourselves, it would piss us off less. So, we lead you to it, help you out without telling you—because it’s not like welikebeing angry—yet still, you miss road. Willfully. Like, you’d rather believe we’re acting crazy than entertain the idea that maybe you acted up. I mean, you heard that story from Malakai’s own mouth. I let him tell it to you, without interrupting—”
“I’m sorry what? That was you not interrupting? You were like Kanye on a live broadcast—”
“—even though itismy show, and I would have every right to, I let you hear it from the horse’s mouth so there would be no doubt. Heknewthe second that he had undermined me in front of the entire class that I was pissed. I knew the answer in that lecture. I was going to get to it eventually. I wanted a chance to defend myself. Even if I didn’t, what Ididn’tneed was for myboyfriend”—it tasted heavy on my tongue, not bad, but it made its presence felt—“to basically announce to the whole class that he thought he was more capable than me. I didn’t need him to swoop in like that. It was embarrassing. He wanted to look like a big man.”
“No, I didn’t.” Malakai shook his head emphatically. Like the audience could see.
I cackled again. “Are you kidding? Yes, youdid,Kai. You loved it. You loved knowing something that I didn’t. I saw it on your face! You weresmug.”
Malakai scratched the back of his head, then nodded sheepishly. “Alright, fine. I’ll allow it. Maybe I did want to look like a big man. But it wasn’t to embarrass you.”
I reclined in my seat like a glam crime boss. “Then I’m fascinated to know why.”
“I wanted to impress you.”
I sat up, forgetting we were on air, my elevated radio voice sinking back into my regular voice, becoming one. “What?”
Malakai looked slightly uncomfortable and released a small groan. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this on radio. Kiki, everyone knows you’re smart. I wanted to look smart in front of you. I knew you’d have that loser by the ropes if you got the chance, but I wanted you to see that I could take him too.”
“Oh.” I sat back in my chair.
I heard a pointed cough behind from Aminah, reminding me with a jolt that I was still on air and was therefore prohibited from melting into a puddle of Henny and Fenty.
“Oh.Well, uh. I guess I could have been clearer. With communicating my feelings, I mean. Maybe I could have told you what bothered me earlier, and then I would have known that. Not made presumptions.”
“True, but after that whole thing in the seminar I wanted to believe things were cool even when I knew things weren’t cool. I knew you were upset with me, but I guess it was easier for me to believe you were being—”
“A cold witch.”
Malakai laughed. “Easier for me to believe you were beingunreasonablethan actually face up to the”—he gestured between us messily—“emotional shit.”
“Well, I think it was easier for me to be angry than to admit that my feelings were hurt. So, I guess we’re both bad at the emotional shit.”
We exchanged a soft truce with smiles. “Actually, emotional shit nicely brings me to another thing I wanted to say—if you don’t mind.”
I shook my head, curious, not just as to what he was going to say, but about this new, fresh flavor of Kai I was being treated to—sweeter, deeper. “Go ahead.”
Malakai sat up, his expression melting into something more sober. “Uh, so... it’s no secret that I’m known around campus for... dating a lot. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, it’s been brought to my attention”—he avoided my gob-smacked gawp—“that I haven’t been completely genuine while doing it. I mean, I thought I was... I wanted to believe I was. I didn’t want to deep the fact that maybe I wasn’t being clear, that I was being a dick.
“Look.” He leaned into the mic. “All the girls I’ve spent time with are amazing and I didn’t treat their attention properly. I didn’t treat them like I should have done. I should have made it clear that I wasn’t ready for anything serious, but I didn’t because . . . it sounds shit, man, but I think I liked the attention. And I thought I was being decent for not being explicit, you know? So . . . yeah, I’m sorry. Really sorry for takingyou guys for granted. You don’t have to accept it, but it’s important for me to say it.” He darted an unarmed look back at me. “Okay. So that’s me. Sorry. Just wanted to get that off my chest.”
My breath slowly eked out of me. “Uh. Um, okay.Woah. I did not expect that.”
Judging by the wild, wide-eyed look on Malakai’s face, neither did he.
I leaned back to the mic, words eventually making their way to my mouth. “Uh, well, I guess to cap off this momentous occasion we’ll play one of the greatest R&B ballads ever created. About a, um, complicated man who made mistakes he simply wants to make right. It’s about pleading to the woman in your life for forgiveness, for grace. Hold tight for ‘Confessions’ by Usher.”
Malakai snorted and shook his head, immediately looking more relaxed, his eyes softer. I laughed into the mic. “Enjoy, friends, and thank you for spending time with us this evening. This wasGotta Hear Both SidesforBrown Sugar,and I hope everyone got something out of this. I definitely did. I’m K.”
“And I’m Kai.”
“And until next time lovers, stay sweet.”
