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“Not like that. Not for myself.”
He nodded, processing. “I guess you’re always teaching. That’s different from doing it for fun.”
“Exactly.” Inhale. Exhale. I looked over at him, and his eyes were fixed on me. “I’m not very good at saying what I’m feeling, even to myself.”
“I know.” He smiled. “You try to keep everyone happy, so you don’t allow yourself to process everything.”
I nodded, tears forming. Hadn’t I cried enough? Apparently not. “I think I need to let myself process everything. Starting with the accident.”
Scott picked up his hand and ran it down my cheek. “I’m here. You can process anything you need to with me.”
So, I let it all out. I explained to him how terrified I was those first few weeks, how difficult it had been adjusting to living back at home, how much my parents’ financial troubles weighed on me, and how much I felt the need to be the backbone and support of my entire family. He listened and let me talk through everything.
“I’m not letting myself feel anything. But life has a rhythm. It has highs and lows. Like music.” I pointed at the waves. “Or like the ocean. And I kept plugging along at my own pace, and I didn’t let myself feel the rhythm. I got out of sync, but I didn’t realize it until it broke me down.” I looked back at him. “To be honest, I probably would have tried to keep going if it wasn’t for you and my parents.”
He smiled. “Whatever the case, I’m glad you’re coming to this realization.” He kissed my lips, slow and sweet. “Thank you for letting me in.”
I smiled. “That’s part of it. I haven’t allowed people to help. Your donation to the dance studio was still way too much.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “But there are other ways that people can help.”
“Your parents talked about having Hazel and Luna come help more on the weekends. They’re not that far away at school, and they’ve offered to come help before.”
I nodded. “I’ve told them they didn’t need to come, that I had things handled.”
He gave me a no-nonsense look. “Really?”
I bounced my leg, trying to figure out how to frame everything. “Did you ever know about the job I turned down eight years ago?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I don’t remember Amy saying anything about that.”
“She doesn’t know.” I settled back into his arms. “I auditioned to be a lead dancer for Rivera.”
He quirked a brow. “Rivera? The boy band with the three brothers?”
“That’s the one.”
“And you got the job?”
I nodded. “I got the phone call and was so excited. It was a huge deal. But the next day, I got a different set of news.”
Scott tilted his head, trying to think of what happened eight years ago.
“Katy,” I said.
He gave me a sad smile. “You turned down the job so you could stay home and help your parents.”
I nodded. “I don’t regret it, not for one second. I love her with all my heart, and I’m grateful I could be here to help with her.”
“But once again, you took on the burden of your family at the expense of yourself.”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
“It’s a burden we face as the oldest siblings.”
I smiled at him. “I’m glad you understand.”
“You’ve done a much better job than I ever did. But you did help repair my relationship with Amy, and I’m forever grateful for that.”
“Me, too,” I said, leaning in and giving him another kiss. “Now we can all be one happy family.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Family, huh?” he asked.
I shrugged. “No need to shy away from the inevitable.”
With a huge smile lighting his face, he leaned his forehead on mine. “I love you, Ivy.”
I inhaled deeply, breathing in the ocean air and the comfort that came from Scott. I knew it now. It was time to tell him. “I love you too, Scott,” I replied.
A huge grin lit his face. He pressed his lips to mine, full of warmth and passion and, yes, love. His hands gently caressed my cheeks, tender and gentle, and slowly he moved one hand down my neck, sending shivers down my spine. His grip moved down to my waist, holding me close, as his lips gently moved against mine, telling me all the feelings I needed to know. Once more, my eyes became wet with tears. Settled by the sound of the waves and the warmth of the man by my side, I felt gratitude for this moment well up inside, reaching the tips of my fingers and toes, and I knew I was finally whole.
