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CHAPTER 24
LILY
That night, I lay awake for hours, thinking about what Mat had said. Did he really have friends in the forest? And if so, what were they? Not all of them are bad, he’d said. Them. The Shadow Folk the nurse had mentioned? A shudder ran down my spine at the thought.
Marillia was a mystery to the world and remained largely uninhabited. Since entering Blade Rock’s territory, the voice hadn’t found me once. Was it simply because it stayed behind in the forest? Or didn’t it want to make its presence known in the company of others? Maybe there was something else entirely. Something unseen and unspoken of. I had so many questions and nobody except Mat to ask.
He'd been open with me, sharing parts of himself I didn’t believe many got to see. Did he feel the same way about me as I did about him? Did he find my presence as comforting as I found his? I had good faith that he wouldn’t be offended if I spoke honestly with him. Asked the questions that others might cower from.
As I lay in my bed, my mind corrupted by morbid thoughts of creatures in the night, I became aware of the darkness around me growing thicker, pressing in. After a while, it became unbearable and the quiet reminded me too much of what I’d been through. Trembling slightly, I focused my senses beyond the curtains. It was raining outside again; it hadn’t stopped since I’d arrived. But I was grateful for it in a way I had never been before. The pitter-patter of drops landing against the windowsill and smashing against the window soothed me. I needed it. The sound reminded me I was free of him, that he wasn’t in my head anymore.
It was still hard to breathe, so I stretched my senses further, beyond the windowsill. Wind howled and trees rustled. Somewhere, not too far away, a gutter drained rainwater from the roof, a heavier stream of it falling from its mouth, slamming into concrete. The pounding and crashing of rainwater was music to my soul and I welcomed it. I wished for it to wash away the torture I had endured, the voices and utter quiet he’d forced upon me. Eventually, the trembling in my legs eased and the icy coldness of my fingertips lessened. My haggard pants from before, turned into slow, rhythmic breathing as I listened to the night sounds of Blade Rock.
Despite the chill bite of rain, the room was warm. A light grey oil heater had been brought in the very first day I arrived and had stayed on ever since. The day after that, I’d received wool-lined socks, and thick, long-sleeved pyjamas.
Tomorrow morning, the nurse had promised I would be granted a nice hot bath. Something to look forward to. With all the bandages and sutures I wore, it had been nearly impossible to take a bath. I was desperate for a haircut and some personal grooming. Somehow my brows had grown long and lost their shape in less than a week. Not to mention my hair. Although a nurse had gathered it into a loose braid, it didn’t hide the fact that my hair now reached past my waist. How it had grown so much in such a short span of time was yet another mystery.
He’d done something to me. The voice. Another shudder. I didn’t know what he did, but somehow, I felt older. My mind, body and soul worn. Had he drained me of what made me me? Sucked the energy out of my cells and tried to dump me off a cliff after he was done? Why, though? Why kill me? Or was it something else entirely? Something symbolic? A ritual or sacrifice of some sort?
I thought I’d lost you, it had said. Those words and the echo of his voice would forever be branded into my memory. Had it been an accident? Had he planned on never releasing me? A mishap for him, perhaps, but a mercy for me.
My heart began racing again and my breathing turned ragged. The sounds were gone - no rain or wind reached my senses. Horror seized me, clamping around my gut and before I could stop myself, Mat’s name passed my lips, reverberating through the quiet room.
“Mat,” I yelled again, sitting up and pulling my legs into my chest.
Feet moved down the hall, scuffling closer. I clawed at my ears, a single claw elongating to scrape whatever blocked the passage out.
“Mat,” I called, even when one of the nurses came barging in, looking me up and down, eyes bewildered. I called his name again, lowering my face onto my knees, keeping my eyes shut. I clawed at both ears now. I needed to hear the rain. Something. Anything.
“Miss, please,” slender, weak hands gripping my wrists. I kept clawing, pushing a claw into my ear canal and scraping. “Miss? Miss, please, listen to me,” she said.
“Lily?”
My head snapped up, eyes searching. Hê’d stumbled into the door, his hair stuffed into his red beanie and wearing a thick coat with a scarf around his neck.
“What happened?” He said as he reached me, his hands cupping my face immediately.
I sobbed. “The sound went away again, I can’t hear the rain.”
He held me close, cupping my face in his warm rough hands. His pupils danced, searching every inch of me before he asked, “but you can hear me?”
“I can hear you,” I replied, hot tears streaking down my cheeks. “I can hear you.”
He nodded, waiting for his words to sink in. I could hear him.
“Listen,” he said, “listen to the rain.”
Mat turned, ripping one of the curtains open so I could see outside. Raindrops ran in little streams down the glass, some falling and spattering on the windowsill. He looked at me again, sliding his hand to my shoulder.
“It’s there. Listen.” His words were only a whisper this time, soothing and gentle. Behind him, nurses had gathered, staring at me as though I was insane. He saw me looking at them and his eyes glazed over. They were gone in a heartbeat, scrambling out of the room.
Something hot slid down my neck. Mat wiped at it. The smell of blood hit my nose. Mine.
“You hurt yourself,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“I-I,” words evaded me, and I shifted my gaze past him, back to the window. I did hear it. I did hear the rain, the wind. “Wh-what’s wrong with me?”
Mat gripped my chin, pulling my gaze back to him. “There is nothing wrong with you, you hear me?”
“But I’m broken. I thought I was…”
“We’re all a little bit broken,” he said, cutting me off, “don’t let it control you.”
His eyes, as green as the forest, were blazing. So much life and strength lay behind them. I willed some of that strength to seep into me. To fill me with courage.
“Tell me what you need,” he said, still gripping my chin. “Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
There was desperation there, in his voice, his eyes. I didn’t know how to answer him.
When he realised I wasn’t going to answer, he sighed and pulled me into his chest. Smoke clung to him as though he’d been relaxing beside a campfire. I inhaled. It reminded me of home and I swallowed, finally breathing a bit easier.
