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A different life with Becka.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
He studied me. “That’s what I thought.”
Time stretched as we sat in silence. It was one of the most intimate conversations Matteo and I had ever shared. Arianna was the only subject that topped the list. And sitting there next to him I didn’t know if I wanted to roar or ask him to punch me again for how much of a fool I had been the last week.
Because now I would have to crawl back to Becka yet again and beg for forgiveness that I in no way deserved. Part of me wished she wouldn’t, so I didn’t have to see that look on her face when she throws away all her pride and sacrifices herself to make things right with me.
Matteo had indeed set me straight and now I could walk out of his office without the guilt about Lorenzo crushing me, but Becka was a different story. She had to be getting tired of always getting the shit end of the stick, usually somehow brought around by my doing.
How much more can she possibly take?
* * *
The house wasmostly dark. After parking in the garage I made my way down the shadowed hallway towards the stairs, thinking Becka would be in bed by now—even if it wasn’t in our room.
“Luca.” Steven’s voice had me halting at the bottom step. I’d forgotten to check in with him first, too preoccupied with finding Becka. He stood in the middle of the foyer.
“Steven. You are relieved now. Thanks.” I turned to head up the stairs.
“She’s not up there.”
“Where is she?”
Steven shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “She’s in the study.” I stiffened.
“She’s ok,” he rushed. “I’ve been checking on her. No alcohol that I know of and she says that she’s ok. But…”
“But what…”
“She just seems locked down.”
“Ok, Steven. Thank you.” He gave me a nod and headed for the front door. I waited until he exited then made my way to the study, taking a steadying breath before turning the nob.
Flames crackled in the fireplace, its orange flickers mixing with the pale moonlight coming through the window. I could see the back of Becka’s head peaking over the chair in front of it. Taking another deep breath I approached with my heart pounding loudly in my ears.
A statue would appear more alive than Becka sitting in the oversized recliner. She reminded me of a bomb, sitting perfectly still, looking so innocent until the explosion blasted you into a million pieces. I hadn’t been truly afraid of another human since I was a kid. No man or woman put fear into me the way Becka was doing now.
Will she say she’s done with me?Leaving was impossible but hearing her say it would crush me. She held the potential to hurt me like no other person had or ever could. I stopped when her profile came into view.
“Becka?” She didn’t respond, staring into the flames with an empty look in her eyes. “Becka I…”
“Don’t speak,” she ordered.
My mouth snapped shut. It’s the first time she’d ever spoken to me with such callousness.
“I can’t do it Luca.”
My heart tore in half, making my knees go weak.
“I can’t live the rest of my life being your whipping post whenever you can’t control your emotions.” Her voice was flat. Cold. “I’ve tried to be good to you in every way possible. I can share your pain Luca, but not when you use it to hurt me. You hurt me today.”
Icy chills flooded my veins. Moving around to get directly in front of her I got down on my knees. Becka sat straight with her legs crossed. She didn’t look at me. Her face remained void of emotion as it glowed with light from the fire. “Becka you have to believe me, I have never cheated on you. I would never touch another woman. You are all I want.”
Unsympathetic eyes met mine. “Then why did you say that?”
“Because I was being an asshole. I have no excuse and I’m sorry more than I can ever say.” I bowed my head in defeat. “I couldn’t handle the guilt or the pain, so I projected it onto you.”
