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Chapter4
Father’s study was on the ground floor of our townhouse, and my heart raced by the time I reached it. The thick, oak door was closed, and I stood in the corridor before it, staring at the embossed, brass knob and begging my pulse to slow. I tended to avoid confrontation at all costs, but more than that, I feared what I would step into.
Although a flirt, James had seemed a kind man last evening. What would the harsh morning light reveal?
Drawing myself up, I considered Esther from the Bible and the way she approached her king unbidden. I was not breaking a law in approaching my father, but I surely was unwanted.
I could be brave like Esther.
My hand curled into a fist, and I rapped on the door twice before turning the knob and letting myself inside. Father sat at his desk, James across from him, and both men turned to face me at the door. James’s eyes were murky, his dark eyebrows drawn and serious. He wore a brown coat over a bronze waistcoat, and his clothing was very well made, if simplistic in design. He did not appear pleased to see me, and I could only imagine how deeply he regretted our dance.
“It is not a good time, dear,” Papa said.
I cleared my throat and considered Esther again. This was my life and my mistake. I would see that a resolution was found that suited all of us. “I feel it is important that I am included in this conversation, Papa. It is my fault we have found ourselves here, after all.”
James stood as if in afterthought and ran a hand through his hair. “I am equally to blame.”
The softness in his deep tone surprised me, though I did not know why—he had given me no reason to believe he would be angry with me. His apology in the corridor the evening before only proved that further.
I tried to swat away the butterfly that was currently dashing around my midsection. I did not like the feeling, but I knew it was a product of James’s compassion.
“I suppose it is no matter now,” Papa said. “We have come to a decision that pleases both parties.”
I looked between them. “How can it please both parties if I was not included in the making of the decision?”
Papa’s eyebrows drew together, and I realized immediately that he meant himself as one of the parties in question. It pleased both James and my father.
“We will need your permission of course in order to move forward,” James said.
It was a kindness neither of my parents had so far offered me, and I shot him a look of gratitude.
“I will leave you to it, then,” my father said, rising from his seat.
No. Oh, no no no. The only reason Papa would leave us alone was if James needed to formally ask me to marry him.
“Are we not moving too swiftly?” I asked, though my words did not slow Papa’s escape.
“We have come to an accord, Felicity.”
“Yes,” I said, taking my father’s sleeve before he could fully desert me. “But have we not escalated at an alarming speed? We have not yet tested the strength of the rumors—”
“On the contrary,” James said. “I did so last night, and they are just as rapid-moving and volatile as my godmother predicted.”
Cold dread settled in my stomach, and I clutched my father’s sleeve tighter, hoping to keep him with me. I could not be alone with James again so soon. My heart raced, and my limbs felt weak.
“But perhaps we ought to try one more time before making a decision that will impact the rest of our lives. Surely if we attend the Pickerings’ ball this evening, our willingness to attend a social function will prove that we have nothing to hide.”
“It hardly matters that we have nothing to hide,” James said. “This is about our good names.”
Ourgood names. I’d forgotten, in my stressful state, that my family was not the only one who would suffer from these rumors. James could have sisters hoping to wed that would be harmed by a scandal. I did not have sisters and thus felt I could withstand becoming a social pariah—I did not care for attending social functions anyway.
But . . . my mama did. She adored Society. Anything I agreed to was purely for her sake and that of my father’s. They thrived in London, and I could not take that away from them.
I pleaded. “Can we not at least test the volatility tonight before we take these drastic measures? Surely one more ball cannot harm us so greatly?”
Papa looked to James, but when I followed his gaze, I found James looking at me. His gaze was steady, the gloom now missing that was present earlier. “I can agree to postponing for one more day, if that is what Miss Thurston requires.”
My father did not appear to like it. “I would prefer the matter settled.”
