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When the kids start slowing down, we call it a night. Theo scoops a sleepy Piper into his arms and carries her across the beach while I douse the fire and collect our belongings. Being with Theo and the kids for the summer has given me a taste of a real family. This isn’t the kind of life I had growing up, especially after my mother died, but it’s the kind of life I would have wanted. Maybe I still want it.
Beach bonfires and bedtime stories. Home-cooked dinners and homework by the table. It sounds wonderful, and I can have it with Theo. But is it enough? Would I be sacrificing a future I haven’t even considered now that I have the freedom to do whatever I want?
I spend the next week thinking about this. It’s easy to think without Theo there to distract me, but when my days and nights are filled with the kids, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly how I envision my life. The only answer is space. I need time and space away from the life Theo is offering to truly sort out what I want.
When he comes home on Friday night, I ask him if his parents might be able to take the kids for a while.
“Why,” he asks, suspicion heavy in his voice.
“Because I need some time away to figure out what I want,” I explain.
“How much time?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. My van’s fixed, and I’d like to get back on the road and finish my journey.”
“I was hoping you’d come with us to Washington. The kids are going to need you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It might confuse them. They need time with their mom, and you need to figure out how she’s going to fit in your lives.”
“Our life,” he says, reaching for my hand. “This isn’t my life anymore, Hadley. You belong in it too.”
“This is so hard,” I say, rubbing my hand against my forehead. “I’ve done what everyone expected of me. I went to the colleges my family told me to attend, got the degrees they wanted me to get, and the only thing I’ve ever done for myself is this ridiculous trip in a van. I want to finish it.”
“So, finish it and come home. We’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you.”
“And what if I want to go to Paris? To culinary school?”
“Then we’ll visit. Hadley, you can have your dreams and still be in this life with me. I’m not trying to hold you back from doing the things you want. There is no timeline. If you’re asking for freedom, you have it. Just let me be your anchor. Let me be the home you come back to once you’re tired. Let us be the family you miss when you’re hundreds or thousands of miles away. I love you, Hadley, and so do Piper and Colton.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I murmur, swiping at the hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
“It is easy,” he assures me. “If I’m what you want. If this is what you want.”
“You’re the only thing I’m sure of,” I say, popping up on my toes and wrapping my hand around his neck to pull him close so I can fit my lips against his.
He’s the only thing that makes sense to me. His love is more than an anchor; it’s my guiding light, a beacon to help me find my way back when I’m lost. He’s my home, my haven. He’s the reason I pack up my van two days later, ready to finish my journey so I can come back to him and to our life.
