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My car is parked on the street and when I reach it, I hesitate. I want to call Hadley. I want to share this moment and talk it through with her. I need her advice on what to do next because she’s an integral part of my life. She’s the salvation I needed to bring me out of the darkest moment of my life.
I get in the car and drive back to the hotel, still thinking about calling her. She asked me for time to figure out her life, and I’ve respected that, but I need to hear her voice.
Once I’m parked, I reach for my phone and make the decision to call her. I didn’t say I wouldn’t, and she never asked me not to. My hand shakes as I lift the phone to my ear, listening to it ring, hoping she picks up.
“Hello.” Her voice is little more than a croak.
“Hadley? Is something wrong?”
“Yes, no. I don’t know. I’m parked in an RV campground, puking my guts out.”
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”
“I don’t know. I’ve been parked here for a few days. Can I call you back in the morning?”
“No,” I say but immediately regret it. “I’m sorry. Of course. I wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, and the kids.”
“You can come back any time. Turn the van around and come home, baby.”
“Maybe I will. I’m not having much fun without you, and every time I see a dog, I burst into tears.”
My heart feels as if it’s been ripped in half. One half is with Hadley, wherever the fuck she is, and the other half is still inside my chest, barely beating because it won’t be whole until she returns.
