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Nine
Amethyst
“Are you ready for your walk?”Davit asked several days later.
We’d fallen into something of a routine, with me spending almost all of my time in the hotel, except when we went for our daily, sometimes twice daily, walks.
Then he would disappear for hours during the day, hours more at night, but he would always join me as I slept.
Not that I’d ever admit it, but I needed the rest. I had a whole host of problems, but it was only when I stopped running that I realized what a toll it had taken on me. This time was exactly what I needed, and at least if I was rested, I’d be better able to deal with what was coming next.
I eyed Davit, trying to decide if I should speak. I finally did.
“Would you…?” I shook my head. “Never mind.”
“Amethyst,” he said, his voice calm, though I could hear the demand underlying the words.
“Would you mind if I went alone?” I asked.
I felt tentative,knew that I sounded it, and I could see his inclination to say no.
And this, this, was one of the things I’d been afraid of. That Davit would take over.
That I would let him.
I hated being under anyone’s thumb, and the very idea of asking if I could do something as simple as leave a hotel chafed. Yet that was exactly where I found myself.
And I fucking hated it…
I stared at him as he considered my question, hating every single second of it. Wondering what I could do when he said no.
“Fine. But the guards will be with you,” he said.
“I-I wasn’t going to try to leave,” I stammered. “I don’t have a passport or any money.”
I was taken aback by his agreement, and had said the first thing that came to mind, ready to argue the point, although apparently, I didn’t have to.
He reached into his pocket and handed me several bills.
“I don’t need this, Davit,” I said, not reaching for the money.
“Take it,” he said, his voice low, stern.
I accepted the bills, but wanted to rip them to shreds.
I didn’t, instead put them in my pocket, and then put on my shoes and jacket and left.
“You’re doing a great fucking job, Amy,” I muttered.
I was making a mess of things when I wanted to do exactly the opposite.
I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I was on edge. A walk, one by myself, would hopefully help me clear my head, get me closer to a place where we could talk about where things stood and where they were headed.
But had I said that to him?
No, because I didn’t want to open a can of worms, didn’t want him asking for explanations, answers that I didn’t have myself.
So instead, I had done what seemed to be the thing I did best, which was completely fuck things up.
