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I let the moment pass, let my emotions come over me, and then, finally, took a breath.
“I should be used to this,” I said.
“Should you be?” she asked.
“Yes. You’re here. But it still feels…”
“I know,” she said, her voice wavering ever so slightly.
I looked at her, curious at the sound.
My question must have been written on my face, for she continued, “All those years, the only thing that kept me going was thinking of you. I knew you were out there, alive, and I prayed to see you. But even after all those years of hoping, seeing you still shocked me. Still shocks me now.”
“How so?”
“Because I always knew you were there, but when you dream of something for so long, hold onto it, it becomes…a phantom.”
She went quiet, looked off in the distance, then looked back at me.
“Not because you are that. Because you’re real. But in my mind, it was something else,” she said.
She shook her head then smiled. “I’m babbling like I really do belong in that institution,” she said with a nervous laugh.
“No. I understand. I guess it wasn’t exactly the same for me, but I get that feeling. Like you were real, but also not,” I said.
It was my turn to laugh, and she returned the smile.
“Let me try again,” she said.
I nodded, and she leaned back in the chair, eyes focused off in the distance.
Then she leaned forward and said, “You’re the only thing that kept me going for so long. But it wasn’t you, the real you, the woman sitting in front of me. It was an idea. My Amy. My precious baby. And I will always hold onto that thought, treasure it, but that can’t be who you are. Because you’re not some dream in my head, my Amy. You’re a full-grown, flesh-and-blood woman. And that’s the person I hope to get a chance to know,” she said.
I could feel tears gathering in my eyes, but I blinked them back.
I nodded. “Yes, that exactly. This locket,” I said, squeezing the necklace I still hadn’t taken off. “It was a talisman. Your picture was too. Some distant thing. Precious and beloved, but not real,” I said.
“I’m real, Amethyst,” she whispered.
“I know. And I have to figure out what to do with that,” I said.
She looked hesitant and then finally spoke. “What do you want to do?” she asked.
I didn’t respond. Because that was the question, the one that had weighed on my mind, the one I still wasn’t sure about.
“I don’t know,” I said.
I could see the hurt in her eyes, see how she quickly recovered from it.
“There is no pressure. Ever. You do what you think is best,” she said.
“Thank you,” I responded, not sure what else to say.
She went silent, and I studied her, considering my words carefully.
“You left that money, didn’t you?” I hadn’t asked Davit for confirmation but knew it was true.
“I did. Through Carol,” she said.
