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“It’s very athletic,” I tell Jordan solemnly.
BJ picks something out of his teeth. “How?”
“We did it on the stair climber the other day,” I offer him, thinking back to it. “It wasn’t extremely arduous for me, but for him it was quite the workout.”
Jordan leans back in her seat with the giggles and BJ looks so cross, if I could, I’d pour his expression into a martini glass and take a big sip.
“Yeah.” I twirl some hair around my finger. “One time I blacked out a little…”
BJ blinks a few times as though he’s rejecting the information he’s receiving. “What?”
“Yep.”
He gives me a look. “You blacked out?”
“Mmhm.” I nod.
His eyes pinch. “Why?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “It was just too much, I suppose?”
He scowls a bit.
I can scarcely believe it when he asks, “What were you doing?”
I pull back, surprised.
“Stuff.”
He gives me a look. “What kind of stuff?”
I frown at him. “Normal stuff…”
“Like what?”
“Like specifically what?” I ask him, my eyebrows up, a bit annoyed.
Taura is watching on in baffled horror.
BJ nods, daring me.
“I was standing up, he was doing…” I trail. Cheeks go pink and I think I could throw up if I let myself. Me telling BJ about the sex I’m having with someone else? It’s my worst nightmare. And I’m telling him like it’s nothing, like it means nothing to me, like it’s not going against every fibre of my being, telling him how someone else touched me and held me in all the ways I’ve only ever wanted him to.
“Something—” Julian was doing something, that’s all I can give him. “And I suppose all the blood went from my head to… somewhere else and then I fainted for a minute—” I shrug. “And then I came to… And then I came.”
That’s an oversimplification. What I’m leaving out is that between blacking out and coming to, Julian called Daisy to check that I was okay. I woke up to both Haites hovering over me and Julian’s face was so cute and so worried that sometimes I think about it for no reason — it’s just a face that floats into my mind sometimes.
Beej pushes his tongue into the side of his mouth, squints at me like a stranger.
“Are my ears burning, Tiges?” Julian says, walking over to me.
Black Gothic Bomber Jacket from Raf Simons, Balenciaga’s distressed logo-print washed cotton-jersey T-shirt and the elastic waist straight trousers from Y-3 in black. He takes me by the hand, pulls me up off Taura’s lap, hooks an arm around my neck, pulls me back against him so he can watch BJ.
“Maybe.” I nod.
“You don’t look too happy, Ballentine.” Jules nods at Beej. “Knickers in a bunch?”
I look back at him, frowning. “Be nice.”
