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“I’ve got to ask you something.”
I swallow. “Okay?”
“Have you forgiven me?”
“For what?” I face him.
“For Paili,” he says and it’s like he drops my heart from the 35th floor.
I breath out of my nose, take a long sip of my drink. “No.”
He shakes his head at me. “But you said you loved me.”
I look up at him, frowning a bit. “Do you think I can’t love you and be angry at you in the same breath?” I shake my head at his ridiculousness. “If I can’t, I’ve never loved you.”
He sniffs a laugh. He rubs the back of his neck.
“You and me hooking up—”
“—We’ve never hooked up.” I stare at him as I shake my head, eyes round with hurt. “You and I, we’ve never hooked up. We were never like that.”
He sighs and tilts his head. “You know what I mean…”
“I know what you mean.” I nod at him defiantly. “And I want you to call it what it was.”
He pauses.
His mouth looks for the words. “You and me sleeping together that night up in Wales,” he says instead. “Did it fuck us up more?”
The question winds me a little, but I know the answer. “Yes.”
He nods to himself. “It pushed it back.”
I frown.
“What back?”
He gives me a solemn look. “Trusting me.”
I gnaw down on my bottom lip, thinking. “Not what we did, so much as learning that it didn’t matter to you.”
His head rolls back. “Of course it mattered to me.”
“You said it didn’t!” I yell and he touches my arm to quieten me, giving me a look to remind me that there are eyes and ears everywhere.
“Parks.” He sighs. “I would never had done it if I knew you’d go how you went—”
“How I went?” I stare at him defiantly, shoulders squaring back.
“How you went, yeah.” He nods, annoyed again. “How you’re going now.”
I do a big blink and glare at him. “How am I going now?”
“You think I can’t see it on your face, how you’re looking at me?” He gestures to my face.
My head pulls back.
“And how am I looking at you?”
