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"It's sad.” I swallowed emotion that had risen in my throat. “Even knowing what I know now, and watching this, I still don’t see any signs that Gwen was lying to me back then. How is that possible?"
"You just see the best in people." Kate lifted a shoulder and gave me a soft, understanding look. "You aren't the type of guy to go around looking for everyone's faults.” She touched my hand. “But you didn't propose to her for a reason. Maybe your subconscious knew something was wrong deep down."
I nodded, looking at her hand on mine for those few seconds before she removed it. And for the first time in this whole experience, I was proud instead of ashamed of myself for not being able to get down on one knee.
I bit my lip. "So, knowing what you know now, do you think it's too evil to go through with Alexis’s plan? Should I tell her to call it off and just deal with the fallout the media’s sure to bring because I didn’t end up with anyone?"
She shrugged. "At first I wasn't sure, but with everything they did, Gwen and Dion totally deserve it. I mean, if I could have secretly leaked dirt about Nolan and everything he did to me, I would have. Any girl who tries to date him should know what he's really like. Plus, if I'd exposed him, I wouldn't have felt like I had to hide my divorce from everyone. People would have understood how necessary it was."
I hadn't realized until that moment how similar our situations were. Sure, mine was going to happen in front of millions of viewers, but at least I hadn't been married. Kate had gone through with everything, expecting a happily ever after, and all she was left with was an apartment she felt too lonely to stay at.
"Why didn't you tell everyone the truth then? Why let Nolan save face?" I wanted to ask her exactly what had happened, but for some reason, this didn't seem like the right moment.
She sighed and leaned back in her seat. "I'd like to pretend that it was because I'm a bigger person than him, and that I didn't need to sink to his level." She looked up at me, her eyes vulnerable and open. "But, honestly, I didn't tell anyone because I was too ashamed. I should have seen the signs. And I shouldn't have been so in a hurry to marry someone, when I knew in the back of my mind that I deserved someone better."
She looked down at her hands, as if she'd just admitted something very sacred.
And I couldn't guess at what she meant even though I really wanted to.
I reached over and touched her chin, lifting it so our eyes met. She needed to see that I meant what I said next. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You deserve the world." I caressed her cheek with my thumb, feeling sparks ignite throughout my whole body.
I wanted to give her the world.
Her eyes pierced through me with questions that I didn't know if I wanted to answer. I gazed at her lips. It would be so easy to kiss her again.
To pick up where we’d left off so long ago.
But did I really dare go down that road? Our track record wasn't exactly the best. Bad things happened the last time I’d expressed how I felt about her.
Plus, wasn't she only spending so much time with me because it was her job?
So instead of pulling her into my arms and holding her close to me forever, I let my hand drop.
"So who do you send home this week?" She cleared her throat when the commercial break ended, her eyes turning to the screen as the spell we'd fallen under broke.
I forced a smile and tried not to get too mad at myself for not taking advantage of that moment.
"Just watch. You'll find out soon enough."
