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And now with everything that happened with Gwen, I would have the hardest time watching all the girls on the show and not question whether any of them were even interested in me and not just my money.
Turns out finding love on TV was even harder than finding it in real life. Part of me wished I could go back in the past, before all the money, before all the fame, and take the time to find a girl who really loved me for who I was as a person.
A person I could give my whole self to and not worry about her having ulterior motives.
But I knew who I would choose if I could go back in time. I would have picked Kate.
And that was even worse, because there was no way she could possibly ever want me again after everything we'd been through. That road had been demolished before we could even take a few steps down it.
"Oh, by the way," Kate said, breaking me away from my thoughts. "Alexis told me about your plans for this weekend."
"She did?" But Alexis made me promise not to tell anyone. Maybe she was thinking it was a regular weekend getaway…not a covert operation in revenge. So to be safe I said, ”Yeah, another happy couple’s weekend."
A slow smile spread on Kate's face. "No, she told me the truth. About how you're just pretending to get together to catch Gwen and Dion in the act."
Which meant she also knew all about my failure to get someone to fall in love with me and not my money.
How pathetic did she think I was now?
"Alexis really told you?"
Kate nodded, her expression turning somber. "I'm sorry about what they did to you. I seriously wanted to punch Dion in the face when I saw him today."
"I wouldn't want you to hurt your fist on my account.” I gave her a half smile, appreciating her sentiment.
"I could take him. I've been working out."
She flexed her skinny little arms, and if I looked really close I could see a tiny bump where her bicep was. I gave her arm a squeeze. "Wow. That's pretty intimidating."
Her mouth hung open and she smacked me playfully. "Sorry, not all of us have personal trainers who come to world-class gyms set up in their basements."
I shook my head and laughed. "I still have to do the work for these." And before I could think better of it, I was rolling my sleeves back and showing off what hard work really looked like.
I instantly regretted it once I met her gaze. Yes, I was happy with the results Kieren had helped me produce, but I hated that I'd just turned into the guy who flexed to try and get a girl’s attention.
But Kate didn't seem to notice my embarrassment, because she was hiding a huge smile behind her hand.
Was it possible that she liked that I worked out now?
"If we were in a public place, I'd totally take a picture of me squeezing your bicep right now, and then post it online. Just imagine how all of social media would explode over that." She laughed.
I pushed my sleeves back down. "Why only if we were in public?" Not that I wanted her to squeeze my arms…not too badly anyway.
"Oh, probably because the gossip magazines would have a heyday over why I was spending time alone with you in your private theater, touching your arms."
"And that would be bad because of the show," I said, before she could say something about her not wanting people to think we were anything more than friends. Was it too much to hope that she'd ever see me like that again?
"Alexis would fire me. And I really need this job."
Right. I should have realized we were only spending so much time together because it washer job. Once she got that movie deal she was hoping for, she'd leave me behind in her glittery dust.
That's how relationships worked for me now. I was a means to an end. People only hung out with me if it was their job or if they were hoping to get something from me.
I didn't know why I'd thought Kate and I might be rekindling something from the past. How delusional was I now? First I thought I could find lasting love on a reality show, and now I was pining for Kate all over again.
We watched the show for a few minutes. Gwen and I were on the screen, sitting in a carriage driving down the middle of London. We were cuddled together, and Gwen was laughing at something I had said.
My heart squeezed just looking at my huge smile after I'd kissed her hair. I'd been so happy that day. I'd thought I might have actually been on the right course to finding my future wife.
