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"Exactly," she said, though she still didn't seem like she liked the idea of me pining after Kate in private either.
Alexis stood and made ready to leave. But just before she did, she turned back to me. "And just remember this, Kate also works for the show. And even though I try to keep personal feelings out of my business ventures, it might be hard to keep her on board or take an honest look at her screenplay, if I'm worried about her presence tanking everything I hold dear."
I swallowed thickly. I'd never forgive myself if I took away Kate's chance at her dreams finally coming true. We'd already lost something dear to both of us the last time I'd acted hastily.
"I understand. I'll try to keep my feelings to myself." I shrugged as if it was nothing at all. "I mean, I've waited seven years. What's a few weeks more?"
Alexis's phone buzzed. "Looks like I better get going. Evan needs me to pick up the kids from daycare."
After Alexis left, I stayed on the couch, remembering Gwen had texted me earlier and I still needed to respond.
I read her text.
I can't wait to see you this weekend.
More like you can't wait to see Dion in the in-betweens.
I bounced my phone in my hand, debating how to respond to her text. I really wasn't looking forward to this weekend at all. More like I was looking forward to it being over. Along with the next and the next until the season had finished airing, and Alexis had given me the go ahead to stop faking the relationship.
Not that Gwen would believe I still wanted her after spending time with me.After all, I'd never been very good at hiding my real feelings.
How did Alexis even expect this to work? She, of all people, knew I couldn't act to save my life.
At least texting didn't give away anything. So I sent Gwen exactly what she'd want to hear.
I'm excited for this weekend too. We need it.
Then I decided to go for a run on the treadmill to get my mind off everything.
I wokeup the next morning, anxious to see Kate again. My conversation with Alexis was still fresh on my mind, but that didn't keep my heart from pounding like a jackhammer every time I thought about having Kate all to myself for the day. As I picked out my clothes, I tried not to remember the fact that she'd always told me I looked good in blue growing up, or that she'd liked my cologne from back in the day.
Instead, I concentrated on the innocent fact that I was just going to be helping an old friend with her screenplay. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Whatwouldbe wrong would be to cancel on her last minute, just because Alexis didn't want me to date her.
This wasn't a date. It was an act of service.
At least that's what I kept telling myself while I made sure every hair on my head was in the perfect spot.
"Sorry I'm so late," I said once Kate opened the door to her apartment. "I had to lose the paparazzi."
I took the hoodie off my head once she shut the door behind me—so much for making sure my hair was perfect. My pulse thrummed with adrenaline after the drive I'd had to take to keep my "service" off the radar of nosy people with cameras. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to give it some semblance of what it had been like before I'd had to hide under my hoodie.
"Did they follow you all the way?" she asked, seeming to take in my appearance.
I shook my head. "I lost them a few blocks over."
"Wow, they really want to catch you doing something. Do you think they know something is off between you and your final pick?"
"I don't know. Maybe someone from the show leaked some spoilers. There are websites that have week-by-week spoilers up already. Some even say that they know for sure who I picked in the end." I sighed. "I just can't wait for this whole thing to be over with, so I can slip back into my quiet life where no one cares who I may or may not be dating."
"Not a fame whore then?" Kate smiled and led the way into her dining area.
"I'd like to think that I'm not." I took the chair at the table beside the seat where her laptop sat. "But who knows, maybe Freud would have something to say about that, since I did go on the show in the first place."
"What made you do it anyway?" Kate asked as she went to grab me a drink. "I never pegged you for the type to do something like this in the first place. In fact, I pretty much went into shock when I saw the announcement that you were the new Bachelor."
So she wanted to know the truth?I scratched the back of my head, not wanting to tell her that it was because of her, but also not wanting to lie. "I don't know. It was a lot of things, I guess. They'd been after me for years, so when I was still single at twenty-eight, I decided I might as well give it a shot."
Kate set a glass of water in front of me. "So after having gone through the whole experience, how do you feel about it? Do you wish you'd never done it?"
