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She couldn’t share with anyone that in Dash’s arms she felt safe and needed. He was her oasis in the bleak landscape of her family. He was all that was secure and reliable. Roddy was a good egg and protected her from her father’s wrath, but he had his own demons to deal with. She had survived her parents’ neglect and made her own family amongst the servants and when she was sent to school. All the feelings tonight were due to nostalgia and longing for days past when she was guileless and hopeful.
But if it wasn’t real, why did she feel like lightning had struck when their eyes met? Or why her skin burned, and the candles shone brighter by his near presence?
“You’re blaming yourself when he is the one who behaved like a cad.”
Dita never told her friends how she always regretted that Dash had stopped the kissing and touching. She had been the one always pressing herself against Dash, not knowing what she asked for, but knowing there was so much more. He was the one who’d shown restraint.
“What is it, Dita?
“I don’t understand my reaction. At first I hated him, then I mourned him, and then with time all my feelings faded. But seeing him, it’s as if nothing has changed. My mind knows, but my body seems to be betraying me. Is that possible?”
Emmy bent to pour tea for them as Dita stacked her plate with a few tidbits. She didn’t have much time before she had to return to the ball and dance with Dash. She didn’t want to be near him. She was afraid that Dash’s touch could turn her into one of the silly women who lost all their dignity. She had seen many fawning, pressing against him. “I can’t be like Lady Wigley rubbing herself against him.”
“Or Lady Marrowstone, who announced in the ladies’ retiring room that he had ruined her for any other lover. He is very virile and quite charming, despite his reputation as a dangerous man.”
“You found him attractive like all the other women?”
“It is a little difficult to weave romantic fantasies when the gentleman’s only interest is in prodding you with questions about your dear friend.”
“He didn’t? The nerve of him to use you in that manner. I will speak to him. When I saw him dancing with several of the wallflowers, I started to believe he had returned to the man I remembered.”
“I wasn’t sure if you or Aunt Euphemia had pressured him to dance with me.”
“I would never, without consulting you first. I have great respect for Aunt Euphemia’s ability to make her wishes come true, but no one can make Dash do anything he doesn’t want to.”
Emmy laughed. “I understand why women would want to be used by him. He is very handsome in a brutish way. When he focuses his attention on you, it is easy to understand his appeal.”
“I’m not sure if you’re teasing or not.”
“I cannot find the man pleasing when I know how he has hurt you in an unconscionable manner. No matter how you blame yourself and believe you misunderstood. He was older and experienced and someone you trusted.”
“Thank you for your defense, but I honestly know that men kiss many women and don’t think of a future together. And I know you’re not so naïve to believe that either. I was lonely and young and had no experience to have a perspective on a few youthful embraces.”
“Well, I’m not as understanding as you are. I allowed him to make incorrect assumptions about your romantic entanglements. He is very skilled in asking questions and took great interest in your doings. There were never any direct questions about your prospects for marriage. He took the role of your brother’s friend of long standing.”
If Dita’s feet hadn’t hurt, she would have jumped up and hugged her friend. “I’m always amazed that you’re a vicar’s daughter. It must be all those sermons on vengeance that you had to listen to as a child.”
Emmy smiled. “You might be right. There was a time when I…”
“Stop teasing. What did you do?”
“I didn’t lie if that is what you’re thinking. I implied you were very interested in a Frenchman. With your French heritage, you feel very passionate about this man.”
“A Frenchman? And who were you thinking of when you concocted this romantic hero for me? And please tell me that you didn’t use ‘passionate.’”
“I might have said he stirred your passions. And I have never seen you so moved by a man before.”
“I thought you read chemistry and mathematical tomes. It sounds like you’ve been reading too many novels. Who is this paragon that I’m in love with? Not Lord Beauvoir?” The viscount had been pursuing Dita for months. He was dashing and sophisticated, and he liked to talk about nothing else but himself.
“I never said you were in love…”
“Emmy, tell me.”
“Napoleon Bonaparte is the man who stirs your passion. Am I not right?”
It took Dita a moment before she roared. She had to cover her mouth to prevent the cookie from shooting out. “I fear for anyone who tangles with you. It’s exactly what Dash deserves for asking you. I’ve been reproaching myself for not demonstrating control over my emotions. I planned and anticipated this ball, and suddenly by my brother’s machinations, the entire evening spun out of my control.”
She had a family that protected her now. “I’ve been dreading the dance with Dash, afraid to discover my weak character. I just thought of a way to circumvent dancing that he will hate. We will promenade. It will give me a chance to engage with Lord Yardley in the presence of Beldon. I might be able to engage the gentleman in conversation about Napoleon, or his gambling debts to gauge his reactions. You must watch what he says to Lord Vinson after I leave to see if I stirred anything revealing. Lord Yardley always seems to be in Lord Vinson’s presence. We might have to include him in our investigation by his close association with Lord Yardley.”
