Page 17 of Finding Beau


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BEAU

Ziggy and I took our drinks to a secluded booth towards the back of the club. It was dark, and I didn’t want anyone to see us, least of all Kwan.

What had I been thinking, getting all dressed up and coming out when I couldn’t really afford it. Admittedly, we’d not had to pay to get in, and the bus was cheap enough, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to get home. Not only that, but we’d both ignored Marc’s words and were both completely trashed. Shots were never a good idea, and the barman had done exactly what I’d asked and kept them coming.

The longer I sat here, though, the angrier I became, thinking about Kwan and how he’d invited me here only to then fucking ignore me! I’d show him.

I got to my feet, swaying dangerously, almost falling on my arse.

“Where you going, Bobo? You want me to hold your hand, come with ya?”

Ziggy was as pissed as I was, and he struggled to stand too. We were two for a pair.

“Imma dance. Come on, Zig, come dance with Bobo.” I slung my arm around his shoulders, and we giggled our way to the dance floor, tripping over stools and bumping into unsuspecting dancers.

We could hardly stand straight, let alone dance, but we did our best, falling around and generally making a nuisance of ourselves until eventually, we decided it hadn’t been our best idea.

“Need to piss.” Ziggy motioned over to the bathrooms, and I made my way back to our booth, surprised to see someone sitting there.

“Hey, handsome. I was watching you dance. Been watching you all night, actually. Come join me, sit here with me.” The man was older than me by several years with lovely hair and a lovely face. Did I already say he had lovely hair? It was wavy, greying at the temples, the silver glowing under the club lights. He wore glasses too, and as I moved closer to him, I noticed he smelled divine.

I gestured to the toilets and made some incoherent speech that was meant to convey something along the lines of ‘My friend has gone to the bathroom’, but instead nothing came out.

I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. I didn’t know the man from Adam, but he seemed nice enough, especially when he wrapped his arms around me and drew me closer.

“Here, come sit on me. You’ll be more comfortable there.” He pulled me onto his lap, chest to chest, placing gentle kisses to my face, and I purred like a kitten.

No one had ever been so nice to me before. It was usually a quick fuck in a dark place or in Bernie’s office. No foreplay involved, no kisses, so to be loved on like this was, well, nice.

He untucked my shirt and slipped his hands under it, roaming across my back, his kisses getting closer and closer to my mouth. I chased his lips, finally meeting them, melting in the taste of whiskey and tobacco. It was a heady mix, and it was making my head spin, but I loved how his soft lips moved against mine, the light stubble on his chin grazing mine. I could feel his hardness beneath me, and I ground against him, causing moans to leave both our lips. Our kiss became more frantic as I opened my mouth for him, allowing his probing tongue access. My breathing became heavier, and I clung to him, bringing him closer, his erection rubbing against mine. At this rate, I was going to come, so erotic was the feeling of finally being held and kissed like I deserved.

“What the fuck, Beau?” We broke apart as Ziggy grabbed me by the collar and dragged me away from the man giving me the best fucking make-out session I’d had in a long while.

The man in the booth looked over at Ziggy and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me back onto his lap.

“I think your friend was happy where he was, so why don’t you fuck off somewhere else while we finish what we started.”

Remembering what Ziggy had been through only months before, realisation hit me that this could have gone really badly. I’d let myself be caught up in a whirl of kisses and hard-ons and had been prepared to do anything. I was disgusted, not just with him but with myself too.

I shook my hand, releasing it from his, bile crawling up my throat, threatening to spill out. This could have been so bad, so very fucking bad.

“Need to go, need to go.” I darted from the booth, hearing shouts from both Ziggy and the other guy, but I had to get out of there. What had I been thinking?

I burst out of the door into the fresh air, barely making it to the side of the road before throwing up the many shots I’d drunk.

“What in God’s name were you thinking, Beau?” Ziggy had clearly sobered up quicker than I had, and I bent over again, vomiting the remaining contents of my stomach into the gutter. The tequila tasted like shit, worse than when it had gone down.

“I cannot believe you could be so fucking stupid! Did you learn nothing from what happened to me? I should fucking smack you.” He said, emotion filling his voice.

I finally managed to look up at him to see not anger but hurt in his eyes, hurt and concern. How could I have been so stupid?

“I’m sorry, Ziggy. I just didn’t think.” I slumped to the floor, my face dangerously close to the pool of foul-smelling puke.

“No, you didn’t think. I already nearly lost my life to a guy just like him. One that preys on the weak and vulnerable. I’m not saying you're weak, Beau, but just lately, life has had a way of kicking you when you’re down, and people like that piece of shit in there will take advantage. I can’t have you going through the same as I did. Now pull yourself together. Marc’s coming to take us back to our house. You can stay the night.”

Ten minutes later, ten minutes where I’d puked several more times, Marc turned up, taking one look at me and shaking his head.

“Shots, was it? What did I say about shots, Ziggy?”

I watched as they shared a look; Marc seemed to understand what Ziggy was conveying with just a subtle look, without having to use words, and helped me to my feet. He supported me around the waist as we walked towards his waiting car.

If only I had someone like that, someone who would understand me, support me when I needed it. Instead, I had a sister that couldn’t care less if I was around, a boss that took advantage and—well, that was it. I had no one else. My eyes filled with tears, the alcohol finally having the effect it usually did, and I sobbed.

Sobbed at the unfairness of it all. Great heaving sobs that racked my chest. Things had never been easy for me, for us, me and Megan. We’d struggled for everything after our parents had died, and I had no one to blame but myself.

My thoughts once again took me back to a beach, a deserted beach that wouldn’t tell a soul if I just walked out into the sea, letting that tide take me. Take me away to a place where I wouldn’t feel anything more, not the disappointment, not the shame, not the disgust at myself for what I’d done and had been willing to do this evening.

I was done. A final thought of blue hair and a blinding smile and I passed out, the shots finally doing what I’d wanted them to do, which was forget.

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